I Want To Be Your Hero
by jesslovescastle
Summary: Ryan is in love with Beckett and jealous of her relationship with Castle. What lengths will he go to to get her attention?
1. Chapter 1

**I Want To Be Your Hero**

_Ryan is in love with Beckett and is jealous that she only has eyes for Castle, especially when he's so smart at figuring out murders. What happens when jealousy gets the best of him and he tries to prove himself, and get Beckett's attention, by solving a murder investigation, which involves a dangerous, witty killer?_

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It was just another day at the 12th. From the observation room, Detective Ryan watched with his partner, as Beckett and Castle wrapped up yet another murder investigation. Of course, once again, Castle had been the one to crack the case. Ryan, himself, had tried so hard to figure it all out. He wanted so badly to be better at something than Castle was. He wanted so badly to connect all the dots and catch a killer. He wanted it all so badly, just so he could impress Beckett.

Since he started on the force at the 12th and had been partnered with Esposito and Beckett, he had always had a crush on her. Of course, she was good looking, but it wasn't just that about her. He had been there, day in and day out, working side by side with her, everyday. He had seen her at her best and her worst. He had watched her struggle to catch killers and make sure others didn't have to live with the fact that the person who murdered their loved one had gotten away without a trace; just like what happened to her. He had saw into the heart and soul of Kate Beckett and there inside, he found himself more than fond of her. At first he tried to deny his feelings for her, but when Castle came into the picture, it became harder and harder.

Jealousy. Ryan was jealous of Castle. Not of the fact that he was smarter, quicker at figuring out murders. Not of the fact that women swarmed him when he went out. Not of the fame. Not of the fortune. But for one reason and one reason alone. He had gotten Beckett's attention. Ryan had watched everyday at how she was goo-goo eyed over Castle. He knew that she never even thought of him. Even if she didn't admit her feelings for Castle, they were there, and everyone knew it. They were written in the stars, as Lanie would say. Ryan believed it was probably true and that even if he felt something for Kate, she didn't feel anything back. But that didn't stop him from feeling something.

"Great job in there, Beckett,"

Ryan said as he and Esposito exited the observation room at the same time she and Castle exited the interrogation room.

"Oh, it wasn't all me,"

She replied, as she glanced towards Castle. Castle grinned like a fool. It wasn't often that Beckett acknowledged the work he did for the NYPD.

"Score one for me!"

He said and high-fived Esposito. He moved to do the same thing to Ryan, but he didn't lift his hand.

"Yeah, good for you..."

He said instead, as he brushed past the other three, moving to his desk. Beckett looked at Esposito, who gave her the "don't ask me" look. She then looked to Castle, who gave her an identical look. Deciding the two of them were useless, she sighed. She then turned around, walking over to the other detective's desk, her heels clicking across the floor.

Ryan heard her footsteps and looked up. It warmed his heart a little bit that she cared enough to check up on him. But that was just her; caring towards everyone, one of the many things he admired about her.

"Is something bothering you, Ryan?"

She asked, standing in front of him. Not brave enough to admit the truth, in fear she'd just laugh, he shook his head as a response.

"No, why would something be?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. She hadn't the slightest clue.

"Well, I don't know. But usually, you three boys all act immature together about something as silly as me admitting Castle was helpful. Esposito was game this time, but not you. And that worries me a little bit, I guess."

Ryan met her eyes for a moment, before glancing down at the surface of his desk. He shrugged his shoulders once. Beckett eyed him closely. She could tell that something wasn't right. Something was bothering him. She took a step closer to the desk.

"Kevin..."

She said his first name. This caused him to look up at her, because usually everyone around the station was on a last name basis.

"If there's something you'd like to talk about, I'm here to listen,"

She told him, as she glanced back towards Esposito and Castle, who were gawking at her and Ryan. When they saw her give them the death glare, they scurried away. Kate sighed as she turned back to her other team member. Ryan, now bothered by the thought of the other guys picking up on what his problem was, just smiled at her.

"Nothing is bothering me. I'm just tired,"

He told her, feigning a yawn, as he stood up from his desk. He pushed his chair in and looked back at his partner.

"See ya tomorrow morning, Beckett.."

He said, before quickly heading off. She stood there and watched him go. She still sensed something off about him, especially since she knew him so well. She sighed, wishing whatever it was, he'd open up about. She wanted to be there for him. She also wanted to make sure whatever it was wouldn't hinder his judgment, especially in their line of work.

When she turned around, she found Castle headed her way with coffee in his hands. She smiled a little bit, as she took a cup and sipped it.

"What happened to Ryan? Did we scare him off?"

Castle joked, allowing himself to laugh once, before Beckett's narrowed eyes cut him off.

"Sorry,"

He apologized simply. Beckett shrugged her shoulders as she glanced in the direction she had just watched Ryan go in.

"Something's just not right with him, Castle. He's not parading around here with you and Esposito, cracking jokes at my expense. I hadn't noticed it until tonight, but it's been like this for awhile now."

Castle arched his eyebrow, thinking about it himself. He had noticed some behavior changes in Detective Ryan himself.

"Maybe Jenny broke up with him,"

He suggested, before taking a sip of his coffee. Beckett turned and looked at him. She hadn't thought of that before.

"Oh no..."

She said softly, sympathetically. She knew that Ryan had loved Jenny. And if the two of them had separated, he would probably be devastated. Esposito had always cracked jokes about Ryan being whipped over her. But Beckett never thought of it that way. She thought it was sweet.

"Maybe he needs a guy's night out,"

Castle added, as he glanced down at Beckett. She just shook her head.

"Trust me. The last thing Ryan needs to be doing is going out with you and Esposito, getting drunk, and picking up some random woman in a bar, because you guys let him,"

She told him sternly, as she set her coffee cup down. Castle chuckled a little bit.

"So why don't you go keep him company, Detective Beckett? You can hold his hand and tuck him in and kiss his forehead so he can go to sleep tonight. And if he has a bad dream and misses Jenny, you can hold him in your arms and rock him to sleep."

Once again, Beckett glared at Castle. He was such an insensitive jerk sometimes. Seeing the look she gave him, Castle put up his hands to let her know he was finished.

"We don't even know if it's over her,"

She reminded him, as she had a seat at her desk. She glanced at the phone and debated on whether or not she should call him. Castle saw that look on unsureness and sat down beside her. He sighed as he reached over and touched her arm. She turned her head, looking back at him. Their eyes met as he spoke.

"Hey. Both Ryan and Esposito know that you care about them. And I'm sure if they really needed someone and didn't want to go to each other, they'd come to you. So whatever it is that's bothering Ryan, I'm sure he'll either get over it and be fine, or he'll come to you when he's ready. Either way, you have nothing to worry about. He's strong. And I believe that's something he learned from you."

Kate wasn't sure what to say to that. She felt flattered that Castle thought she had taught Ryan and Esposito anything. But being strong was another story. Sometimes she questioned her own strength, but Castle was always there to remind her of it. She wondered what she would do if she didn't have him. She was wondering that a lot more lately.

"What if we're wrong and whatever it is that's bothering him is something bigger than we even know?"

She asked, letting her guard down, showing just how much she cared about her partners. Castle's hand moved to hers. He took it in his own and squeezed it gently.

"You can't think the worst. Keep on the brighter side,"

He told her softly, as he let go of her hand and stood up from his seat across from hers. She continued to watch him, as he fixed his jacket over him. He looked back at her, giving her a small smile.

"Good night, Detective Beckett,"

He told her, before turning and walking to the elevator. As Kate watched him go, she let out a deep sigh.

"Good night, Castle,"

She said, quietly to herself, as she watched the elevator doors close on him.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, when Ryan walked off of the elevator and over to his desk, he found a vase full of flowers with a card sticking out that said "thinking of you." He smiled a little bit, knowing who it was from. He turned around, only to see her sitting there at the desk behind his. It was like she knew already, even though he hadn't told her. No, he hadn't told anyone. A few days ago, Jenny and he had broken up. And since then, he had been down in the dumps, even if he knew that Jenny wasn't the one he truly loved. But still, she had kept his heart from being lonely, whilst he longed for Beckett.

"You know, you didn't have to. It really wasn't necessary. I'm fine."

Of course, he lied to her when he said that. He wasn't fine. And when Castle arrived this morning, he'd be more not fine. He was going to cherish the moments before he stepped in this morning. Just having the chance to have Beckett alone was a treasure. Especially when those were scarce.

"You don't have to put on the big, brave boy front for me, Ryan,"

She told him, as she got up from her chair and walked towards him.

_'Yeah, but I can't exactly tell you I'm in love with you, either,'_

He thought to himself, as she joined him in front of his desk. He glanced towards her eyes and hoped she wouldn't see right through his and find all of his secrets and everything he was feeling. If he knew one thing about Kate Beckett, it was that she was very good at reading people. Though drawn to her beautiful eyes, he tore himself away, to look down at the flowers she got for him.

"You know, Castle and Esposito are just going to make fun of us for you buying me flowers,"

He said, chuckling. That was one of his biggest fears about having feelings for his partner. If Castle and Esposito did find out, it would just become a big joke. And as much as he loved joking around and having fun, this wasn't something he wanted to be treated like a joke. And that alone was the reason he had kept it to himself and confided in no one. There was one time where Lanie had almost gotten him to admit it, but he kept his cool and didn't blurt out the truth.

"So throw them out,"

Beckett replied simply, as she watched him. Something told her that he really didn't want to do that. She thought he wanted some sort of kindness and caring to hold onto, especially if her thoughts were confirmed and Jenny did break his heart. She knew her boys were strong, but she also knew that everybody hurts sometimes.

"Yeah,"

Ryan said simply, as he grabbed the vase of flowers and walked off with them. Kate sighed, wishing she could break down the walls surrounding him. She wouldn't give up though. She owed it to him for all the times he and Esposito wouldn't give up on her. They were a team. That meant having each other's backs.

Ryan walked past the trash can with the flowers. He had no intention of throwing them out. Especially since they were from _her. _He only wished they could live forever as a reminder that she cared about him. Of course he knew she did care though. But this was different. It wasn't the usual "you're my partner, we take care of each other," sort of caring either. It was something deeper than that. And one day, he was going to be there to return the favor to Beckett. That is, if Castle didn't beat him first. As soon as he thought his name, he wished he didn't. Because then he heard his voice. He quickly dashed into the break room, hiding the flowers on a table, behind some other things. He'd stop in later and get them. And as pathetic as it probably was, he'd take them home and stare at them all night, dreaming about a happier life, where he was Kate's and Kate was his.

"Good morning, Detective Ryan,"

Castle said, as he walked into the break room. He was a little confused to why it appeared that Ryan was snooping around the break room.

"Is there anything I could help you locate?"

He asked him and let out a short laugh, finding it funny that Ryan worked here longer than he did and he might need help finding something.

In hopes of covering his tracks, Ryan just laughed, shaking his head.

"Castle, Castle, Castle. It never ends with you, does it?"

Castle could sense something was amiss with the detective. Like he was trying to hide something. Instead of calling him out on it, he decided to play along. After all, Beckett was worried about Ryan. And now Castle thought whatever he was hiding could be something bigger than expected.

"Oh, you know me..."

He said, letting out another short laugh, accompanied by a shrug. Ryan laughed nervously, as he eyed the two cups of coffee in the writer's hands. He could almost feel the jealousy in his stomach.

"So, are one of those for me?"

He asked, trying to dismiss the thought that it was more than likely for Beckett. He cursed himself for not getting coffee on the way in. One for him, one for her.

"I'll let you wrestle Beckett for it,"

Castle said, but then held out the coffee for Ryan to take.

"Better yet, I'll let you deliver it to her."

Ryan took the coffee into his hand. Little did he know, it was only a ploy to get him out of the break room, so he could do some snooping himself. He'd find out what Ryan was hiding and then impress Beckett like he always did when he was a smart boy.

"Uh, thanks..."

Ryan told him, awkwardly, as he walked out of the break room with the coffee. Castle made sure he was really gone, before shutting the door and beginning to look around. At first he didn't find anything, which frustrated him. If Ryan wasn't in here getting coffee, which he clearly was not, because he asked for coffee from him, what on earth was he doing in here? He was about ready to give up his search when he saw a petal on the floor that didn't really belong there. He knelt down and picked it up.

"Does Ryan have a secret admirer?"

He asked himself, a smug grin spreading across his face. He moved some things on the table in front of where he found the petal and uncovered a vase filled with flowers.

"Jackpot!"

He declared, as he grabbed the card from the vase. His grin grew even more when he read the familiar handwriting he knew so well. No wonder Ryan was hiding this. He was probably embarrassed of what would happen if somebody at the station found out. But now somebody did. And boy, did good news travel fast.

"Oh Beckett, Beckett, Beckett..."

He said, shaking his head side to side in amusement.

"You have a thing for Ryan, do you?"

He asked her to himself, before snickering. Esposito was going to get a good laugh out of this one.


	3. Chapter 3

Before Castle could actually tease Beckett about sending flowers to Ryan, a call came in about a dead body. Castle jumped at the opportunity to give the two "love birds" a chance to be alone together when he declared that he wanted to ride with Esposito to the crime scene. Beckett found this incredibly strange that Castle didn't want to tag along for the ride with her. She decided not to question it though. He had been acting strange all morning. But on the other hand, Ryan was actually happy he got to ride with Beckett to the murder scene. It wasn't often that he got the chance to do that. Esposito was just as confused as Beckett was, but he went along with it, since he and Castle were cool.

Ryan got in on the passenger side as Beckett got into the driver side. Beckett saw this as the perfect opportunity to get to talk to Ryan. She planned on driving slow, not like she could go very fast in New York anyway. After buckling up, she looked over at her partner in the passenger side seat.

"So this is different,"

She commented with a soft laugh. Ryan laughed slightly as well.

"Yeah, it is. But it's the nice kind of different,"

He told her, as his blue eyes met her green ones. Beckett smiled, nodding her head once.

"I agree. For once I don't have to listen to listen to Castle be full of himself or daydream about what kind of crime scene it would be. I swear that man lives for murder."

Ryan shook his head a little bit, amused. Castle did seem very fond of murder. The only reason he and Beckett were here, doing this, was because that is the path life had taken them down. It wasn't murder they lived for. It was putting killers away and trying to bring justice to the victims that they lived for.

"Do you ever think about letting him go?"

He found himself asking her. Beckett glanced to the side at him briefly, her nose scrunched up in confusion.

"Castle, I mean..."

Ryan clarified, before glancing out the window to his right. He felt awkward asking such a thing. She probably wondered why he was asking. Beckett glanced again to the side at him, wondering where that sort of question came from. She looked ahead, out the windshield, trying to find a way to answer it.

"I like having him around, I guess?"

She questioned herself. Ryan looked up and over at her. He knew what she meant though. She didn't just like having him around. She liked Castle himself. And like everyone else already knew, except for Castle, who seemed oblivious to all of it, she wanted to be with Castle.

"Yeah, I know what you mean,"

He answered her softly. Of course he knew what she meant. He liked having Beckett around, just as she liked having Castle around. He only wished that they could drop the Castle part and just like having each other around. But Castle was practically a saint in Beckett's eyes. And he wasn't even in her eyes at all.

"He's helpful on the cases. He makes great company most of the time. And he's just, well... He's Castle,"

She continued on, although Ryan would rather not hear such things. He closed his eyes for a minute, trying to imagine her saying those things about him. He wondered what she even thought about him. Sure, he was kind of a nerd in some ways, having great computer and other technological skills. But he was a human too. He wasn't Castle, but he was a great guy, wasn't he?

"Yeah, Castle is just Castle,"

He replied to her quietly. She glanced to the side at him. She saw, once again, that something was bothering him. Reaching over, she placed her hand on his leg. He jumped a little bit, so she started to move her hand away. He bit his lip, stopping her, as he grabbed her hand with his own. Kate pressed on the breaks at a red light and turned to face him fully. He let out a shaky sigh, as he finally admitted it, out loud.

"Jenny left me..."

When he said that, Beckett's heart broke a little for him. She squeezed his hand, to comfort him. Ryan knew that wasn't everything that was bothering him and she probably wanted to know the rest, but the rest included her, and being jealous of Castle. But whether he loved Beckett or not, Jenny had been important to him, and he did love her. So for now, he could play it that it was only Jenny he was upset about.

"I'm so sorry, Kevin. I had a feeling that this was it..."

She said to him softly, as she squeezed his hand again. She heard cars behind her beeping their horns, which meant the light was now green. Still holding his hand, because he acted as if he didn't want to let go, she put let off the break and drove through the intersection.

"If you would have told me, I would have told you to take a few days. I know what it's like when someone breaks your heart,"

She went on, as she glanced over at him briefly, before looking out the windshield again. Ryan just shook his head.

"That's the last thing I need right now. I'd just sit around and mope. I need to keep my head up and just get over her. Move on with my life,"

He told her, as he watched out the window, as they turned the corner. Kate wasn't sure if he really meant that, or if he was putting on his brave act again. She glanced over at him, squeezing his hand again.

"If you're sure, then I can't stop you. And my offer still stands, by the way..."

He turned to look at her, not remembering what offer she was talking about. She smiled a little bit, before looking back at the road in front of her.

"When I told you if you needed to talk... I will listen. Or if you just need someone to sit with in silence, I will sit with you. Whatever you need. You and Esposito, both, have been good to me in times of need. And I only owe the two of you the same. So whatever you need, you name it, and I will do it."

Kevin smiled at her. He was really grateful for that. He could tell she really cared. She may not feel what he feels for her, for him, but at least she cared.

"Thanks, Kate. I'll let you know if I need anything,"

He said to her. She squeezed his hand one more time, before letting go, just as they pulled up at the crime scene. She parked the car next to Castle and Esposito's, before getting out. Glancing across the pathway, she saw Castle standing there, the smuggest of looks on his face. And beside him, Esposito wore the same look, to match. She decided silently that she didn't even want to know, as she braced herself for the crime scene, and whatever torture she was going to endure later from the boys.


	4. Chapter 4

After a drawn out, full investigation of the crime scene, Beckett decided that there wasn't anything left untouched. They hadn't gotten any finger prints, no DNA left behind, no _anything_. She decided that a second look later might be good for her. Either that, or Lanie's autopsy report, later, would find something. No neighbors had heard a single thing. There wasn't even a probable cause of death. Just a victim of murder. She was stressed out from the fact that there were no leads. And to make matters worse, Castle was still wearing that smug look; and he and Esposito were giggling together the entire time like school girls. She was stressed _and_ annoyed.

"So, I made an interesting discovery,"

Castle said in the car, on the way back to the precinct. Beckett had found it odd that he decided to ride with her back, when he had been so keen on riding with Esposito on the way to the scene. But who was she to question it? She glanced to the side at him.

"Do continue."

She told him simply. She wasn't in the mood for games and running around in circles. Castle only smirked at her, bursting into laughter. She narrowed her eyes and puffed her cheeks in anger.

"I... would have never... never guessed!"

He choked out, between laughs. Beckett just rolled her eyes, shaking her head in complete annoyance.

"Castle. Get to the point!"

She scolded him, as she stopped at a red light. He sensed her stern exterior and knew that she was bothered by the outcome of their investigation. He straightened himself up in his seat, clearing his throat.

"I just never knew you had a thing for Ryan. That's all."

The moment he said it, he lost all seriousness. He burst into laughter again, doubling over in his seat. Beckett's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She now knew what those looks were about, when she and Ryan had arrived at the murder scene. Even though the light turned green, she continued to stay idle. She turned to look at Castle, who found this matter to be completely hilarious.

"Boy, when I told Esposi-"

Before he could finish, she had grabbed him by his ear and pulled him up and towards her.

"Ouch!"

He cried out in agony. She forced him to look at him. His laughter died down completely and his face returned to normal, just a little paler.

"What did you just say to me?"

She asked him in a stern, yet quiet tone, although she heard him loud and clear the first time. Castle looked for the right words to say, but all he could think of was the pain in his ear.

"Nothing... I said nothing..."

He obviously lied to her. She knew what he had said and he knew it. He watched her face become more angry and annoyed with him. She let go of him, with a slight shove. She heard the horns blowing behind her, but still she stayed where she sat at the one red traffic light.

"Where on earth did you come up with that, Castle? Don't you think if I had a thing for Ryan, I would have acted on my _'thing'_ a long time ago?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that question or if he was even supposed to. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, just playing dumb. It killed him to admit it, but a pissed off Beckett scared the shit out of him. He had seen her interrogated vile criminals and he had also seen her fire a gun. Her wrath he could handle, maybe. But a gunshot to the chest, or worse, he could not.

"Answer the question, _Rick_!"

She demanded, using his first name. His outlook on playing dumb with her completely changed and he sat up straight. She rarely ever called him anything, but Castle.

"I... I found the flowers that you sent him!"

He quickly answered, putting his hands up in front of him, in his own defense; surrendering. Kate made a face of confusion.

"He told me he was going to throw them out,"

She said, more to herself than to Castle. He watched how quickly her demeanor changed. He had a feeling that he was wrong all along. She wasn't trying to hook up with her partner. She wasn't in love with him. She was just being a friend. He flashed back to the conversation the night before that the two of them had about Ryan. He blew out a deep breath, lowering his eyes to his lap.

"I'm sorry, Beckett,"

He apologized to her. She glanced over at him. Reaching over, she touched his shoulder, causing him to meet her eyes.

"It's nothing..."

She tried to tell him, but he shook his head. He was always assuming things when it came to her. And mostly, he took her for granted, like she was always going to be there. But really, he didn't know that for sure.

"I shouldn't have assumed that you were hot for Ryan. I was an ass. And telling Esposito was wrong to do, when I wasn't even sure if it were true."

"Listen, I don't care about that,"

She told him, shaking her head from side to side.

"Ryan and Esposito tease me all the time about having a thing for you, Castle..."

She found herself telling him. Sure, he teased her about wanting him too, but he really didn't know about the boys teasing her. He looked deep within her eyes once he heard her say that.

"Do you, _Kate_?"

She found herself caught up in his blue eyes, when he asked her, using her first name. She heard the horns blowing behind her. She figured she had sat through another red light and another green light by now. But she didn't care. Moments like this only came once in a lifetime. She found it hard to deny her feelings any longer. _Yes_. Yes, she had a thing for Castle.

He just stared into her eyes, waiting for her to answer the question he asked. It seemed as time had completely froze. The only thing that was moving was their lips; toward each other. Castle lifted his hands, cupping her face in them, as their lips finally collided in a sweet surrender. In her chest, Beckett felt her heart fluttering. She wondered if she was dreaming. But when he kissed her, again, she knew that she wasn't. Her forehead rested against his, as she just breathed in the moment.

"Castle..."

She persisted, wondering if this was right. He let out a soft 'shh,' as he just kissed her again. Outside, horns blew and people shouted for them to move. Neither Castle, nor Beckett heard any of it. For in that moment, the only thing that existed was the two of them.


	5. Chapter 5

It was late when Beckett finally returned to the precinct. Ryan was sitting at his desk and he watched as she came off the elevator. He saw that Castle wasn't behind her and that made him smile. That was, until he saw the smile on her face. Something had definitely happened on the way back. Something good, for Beckett anyway. Kevin felt his heart sink, as he quickly looked towards his computer in front of him, to make it seem as if he were busy.

As Kate approached her desk, she noticed that her partner was still there, at his desk across from hers. She smiled a little bit. If Ryan was close enough with her to admit what was going on in his life to her, maybe she could let him in on her life as well. She liked that idea. Especially since she really didn't know what to do about what had just happened with Castle. A kiss was just a kiss, right? Or did it mean the start of something? She wasn't sure in this instance. Castle was well... _Castle_.

"You're here late,"

She commented, as she had a seat in her own desk. She tidied things up a little bit, but she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing. She was distracted by the kiss her and Castle shared in her car.

"I could say the same,"

Ryan replied, as he spun around in his chair to face her desk.

"But... you're always here late,"

He added with a smirk. Kate looked up and let out a laugh. She twirled her hair a little bit, as she did. Ryan noticed that for sure. It was something she only did, when she was thinking or talking about a guy she was interested in. He had picked up on it, while witnessing her and Dr. Parish share guy stories.

His eyes met hers for a brief moment and she gave him a smile. He smiled, half-heartedly, in return. He knew what was going on. It was something with Castle. And oddly enough, he wasn't here, which further added to his suspicions. Deciding to break the ice, he cleared his throat.

"Want to talk about it?"

He asked her, cocking his head to the side. As much as it would kill him to hear her admit anything happened between her and Castle, he'd listen. But only because Kate was the center of his universe. She was his partner, a friend, and the woman his heart held a torch for.

"Only if you promise not to tell,"

She replied, giving him a smile, as she motioned for him to wheel his chair closer to hers. Kevin smiled as he wheeled his chair over around to the other side of her desk, next to her. She turned to face him completely. Normally, she didn't talk to Ryan or Esposito about these sort of things. Normally, she always went to Lanie. But lately, her and Kevin were getting closer. He had confided in her about his relationship with Jenny and how it went south. She could trust him about her relationship with Castle. Not that the her and Castle was anything romantic. Or was it? She didn't know.

Kevin studied her face. He wondered what could have happened in the approximate hour that he and her were separated, especially since she was with Castle. And sure, the two had passion bouncing off the walls since they met. But, nothing ever became of it. Why would it suddenly happen now?

"So, what's going on?"

He found himself asking, nervously. Although he didn't want to know, he _really_ wanted to know. He could tell by the way she was glowing and that adorable smile she was wearing that something happened. He probably could even guess what. But still, even though he could feel the truth, he was hoping that it was something completely different that had absolutely nothing to do with Castle.

Kate looked around. She checked every corner, making sure the coast was clear. She didn't want anyone to hear this, except for Ryan. She trusted him. Now, if she told Esposito, or someone at the precinct she hardly knew heard, everybody would know. And she really wasn't ready to live that down just yet. After finding the coast clear, she looked back to her partner.

"Castle kissed me..."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Ryan felt his heart sink. He saw her smile again and could see how happy she truly was about this. But he could sense that she was unsure, as well. If there was one thing he knew about Kate Beckett, that he _really_ knew, it was that she guarded her heart with all that she had.

"Oh..."

He replied, not really sure what to say. He knew how much Beckett liked Castle, though. Even if she never said it, everybody could tell.

"That's... great... I think..."

He stumbled into the words, not sure if it was what she wanted to hear or not. He avoided her eyes, feeling as if she could see right through him and know that he was upset about it.

"I think so too,"

She told him, shrugging her shoulders, as she turned back to her desk, tidying things she had already straightened only minutes before. It was something she did, when she wanted to avoid thinking too deeply about things.

Ryan lifted his eyes, watching her. He could tell she was conflicted about it. They both knew about Castle's reputation with women. He had a lot of women chasing after him, for one. For two, neither of his marriages had lasted. He seemed more of a one-night-stand kind of guy.

"You really care about him,"

He stated. Though, again, everyone knew that. They could tell just by how she acted over him. Kate nodded her head, as she turned to look at him.

"I do, Ryan. But, you don't kiss the people you care about like _that_. Otherwise I'd be kissing you everyday,"

She admitted, letting out a soft laugh at her joke. His face flushed red at the thought of her kissing him and it was too late to hide it, once it did. He laughed nervously, as Beckett studied his face. Something was different and she wasn't sure what. Then she realized what it was. Jenny...

"Oh my gosh, Ryan... I am _so_ sorry. I shouldn't be sitting here and talking about Castle and me, especially when it's so soon,"

She quickly apologized to him. He was so relieved to hear her taking it all the wrong way. It had nothing to do with Jenny. He was over Jenny. He was never really _with_ Jenny. His heart was always somewhere else. And that was why Jenny had broken up with him. She had caught on to his feelings for Beckett and she knew she couldn't live up to that. Sure, he was sorry, but she was right. The heart wants what the heart wants. And his heart didn't want Jenny. What it wants is Kate Beckett...

He let out a fake, heavy sigh, nodding his head, as he glanced down to his lap. He felt bad for leading her on to a lie, that he felt terrible, but how could he tell her the truth? He couldn't. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants. And Beckett's heart wanted Castle. She slipped her hand across the space between them, laying it on top of his leg. This caused him to look up at her. His blue eyes met her deep, green ones. He couldn't control himself, as he laid his hand on top of her soft one.

For a moment, staring into Kevin Ryan's eyes, Kate felt something. Something different. Something that wasn't there before. And if it was, she never noticed it. She wasn't even sure what it was. She slowly broke their gaze and pulled back her hand. Things definitely felt awkward now. She glanced over to the clock and saw how late it was. Maybe it was just exhaustion causing her to see something in her partner's eyes. Maybe it was just the two of them caught up in a weird moment. He was emotional about things with Jenny. And she was emotionally confused about things with Castle. So the comfort that lay in his eyes wasn't real. It was an illusion. Something she created in the moment, to try and forget about the kiss with Castle. It _had_ to be. For if her and Kevin were to ever become romantically involved, it could ruin her partnership with him, and even worse... their friendship.

"It's late,"

He said, before she could even speak the words. It was like their minds were in sync with each other. And that alone weirded her out even more. Maybe she wasn't the only one who saw it, who felt it. He slowly stood up from his chair, pushing it back towards his desk. Kate stood up from her chair, pushing it in.

"Good night, Kevin..."

She said to him, as she watched him return to his desk. He glanced over at her, giving her a small smile.

"Night, Beckett."

She smiled at him and he then watched her proceed to the elevator. Once she was out of site, he let out a heavy sigh. He thought back to everything that had just happened in the last five minutes, especially something that she had said to him.

"I'd kiss you everyday too, Kate..."

He said to himself, before pulling his jacket on. He then shut off his desk light. After riding the elevator to the lobby, he caught a cab ride home to his lonely apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Detective Beckett was rudely awoken just before five in the morning, by a phone call to let her know there had been another murder, similar to the one she had been investigating from the day before. She was less than thrilled about two things. The time it was. And the fact that the murders were obviously linked. Still, she hurried and got dressed, driving down to the crime scene, without coffee.

When she arrived at the scene, she noticed that the only other person there already was her partner, Ryan. He waved as soon as he saw her car pull in. Beckett managed a tired smile, as she waved back, getting out of the car. She reached for her phone, realizing she hadn't even let Castle know there had been a murder. Still, it was early, and she really didn't want to wake him. But that wasn't the only reason why. She also did not want to have to face him after sharing a kiss with him yesterday. It was way too early for that.

"Morning Sunshine,"

Ryan teased her with a smile, complete with his adorable, goofy laugh. Beckett rolled her eyes, but still managed to muster up a laugh.

"Morning Ryan. Where's Esposito?"

She asked. She knew that the two of them always showed up together at crime scenes, so him not being here was a little weird. Ryan simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Called and left several messages. He's probably still sleeping. Maybe he had an action-packed night last night."

"Highly unlikely, right?"

Kate joked, only to get a snicker from her partner, as they both nodded their heads at the same time. A series of laughs escaped from the two of them, before passing. She smiled at him and nudged her head in the direction of the crime scene.

"Let's go see the body..."

The two walked side-by-side, over to where the ME was examining the body. Kate noticed right away that it wasn't her best friend, Lanie. She found that odd, especially since not only was she missing from the scene, but so was her other partner, Javier. She didn't think there could be any connection to it though. Only if... _'Nah...' _She thought to herself, before turning to Ryan.

"Guess it's just you and me,"

She told him. Ryan smiled a little bit. He loved the way that sounded, which made him think he sounded like a love-sick puppy dog. But in the end, he didn't care. It did, however, make him think. And his thought led him to asking the question out loud.

"No Castle this morning either?"

He heard himself ask and instantly wished he didn't. Beckett reached for her cell phone again, in her pocket, but once again stopped herself. Kevin made note of that, wondering if something was bothering her. She shook her head to answer his question, giving him a small smile.

"Didn't want to wake him."

"Oh,"

He replied, not sure what else to say. He remembered what happened between them yesterday evening. The kiss. He swallowed hard at the thought. What he would give to be Castle... It was clear that Beckett felt something for the man. Ryan only wished that it was him she felt something for. He didn't want to buy her affection, though. He wanted it to be real, natural affection. The kind that only true lovers shared. He feared that Castle and Beckett shared true love, but he hoped to God that they didn't.

"How about that body?"

He suggested awkwardly, as he walked towards it. Kate stayed back for a moment, watching him go. She kept getting weird vibes off of him. She wasn't sure what it was, but something was definitely bothering Kevin Ryan. She had noticed it ever since she found out about him and Jenny. The strangest thing was, she didn't believe it had anything to do with Jenny. She shook her head of the thought and walked forward, joining her partner at the victim's body.

About an hour later, the two detectives had finished going over the body with the medical examiner and had finished examining the crime scene. They found they were in the same situation as with the first murder. They had absolutely no leads at all. Beckett was more stressed than she was yesterday afternoon. They were dealing with somebody good. They were extremely good at what they were doing and even better at covering their tracks to not get caught. In a way, that scared her. She had come up against many, many murdering bastards in her career. The only one that had ever gotten away with murder was the son of a bitch who killed her mother. And she'd be damned if she let that happen again.

Ryan could sense her frustration, as the two of them headed back to their cars. He wondered if there was something he could do. He knew that the fact that two victims were killed by the same killer was never a good thing. This was no coincidence. And it was highly unlikely that the two victims had any sort of connection. He feared that they were dealing with random murders. The acts of a serial killer.

As they reached their cars, Beckett stopped, as her phone started to ring. She pulled it out of her pocket and glanced down at it. It was a text message from a number she didn't recognize. Still, she pressed read and it opened up. Her eyes narrowed and she felt bothered by what she read, there in front of her.

_I'm watching you._

She let out a breath, as she quickly closed the message and slid the phone back into her pocket. Kevin noticed the change in her behavior, as he watched her react to her phone. He sensed fear in her, something he hardly ever saw in her.

"Beckett?"

He asked, but she was in a trance. She kept thinking about what she read. Practical joke? Stupid prank? The killer watching her?

"Kate?"

He asked again, when she didn't reply. This time, she flinched. He reached over, touching her arm gently.

"Hey, don't be so jumpy..."

She turned and looked at him, giving him a slight smile and an awkward laugh.

"Jumpy? I'm not."

He noticed right away that she was pretending everything was all right; something she did when she was scared. When he saw her tuck her hair back, he now knew that she was avoiding the topic all together. Still, he was worried. What was on that phone?

"Just tired?"

He asked her with a slight smile of his own, deciding to play along. Kate nodded her head, as she reached up to rub her eyes.

"Late night. Early morning,"

She replied with a shrug. Kevin nodded in understanding. He knew that Beckett, Esposito, and himself had all had their share of those. It was the life of a cop, they told themselves. The life that each of them had chose for themselves.

"How about we stop for some coffee on the way to the precinct?"

He suggested to her. He knew it was a long shot and that she probably wanted to dive straight into this investigation, but he also knew she needed it. And maybe, just maybe, he'd get lucky enough to find out what was so frightening on her phone, too. Kate met his eyes, and for a moment, it was almost like they twinkled. Kevin gave her a friendly smile, hoping it would coax her into agreeing to go for coffee with him. In the end, she couldn't resist his face. She smiled, as she nodded her head.

"Coffee would be great."

The two smiled at each other for a moment longer, before he nudged his head in the direction of a coffee shop nearby. For a moment, he felt like he had won. Especially, as they walked side-by-side, along the sidewalk. He wondered what it would be like, if Castle and Esposito weren't around all the time. Surely, he'd miss his partner and even his friendship with Castle. But, he'd also have Beckett to himself too. He decided not to think too much about it and just bask in the moment, alone, with the woman that he loved.


	7. Chapter 7

The waitress poured two cups of coffee at their table, before disappearing. Beckett added cream and sugar to her's, until it was just like she liked it, stirring it thoroughly. Ryan watched her, as she absentmindedly turned the spoon in the cup. He could tell she had a lot on her mind. He wanted to break the ice, but he knew he should tread slowly. Otherwise, he might end up with the tables turned on him. Then, she'd be upset with him, and that was something he couldn't take.

"I wonder what Esposito got into last night,"

He commented, deciding small talk was the best place to start. Kate shrugged her shoulders, letting out a short laugh, as she continued to stir her coffee. Kevin hadn't even seen her take a single drink yet. He wondered if she even would. Still, whether she drank it or left it sitting full on the table when they leave, he'd still pay for it. Of course, after fighting with her because she wanted to pay for her own, he would.

"Maybe he met someone,"

She replied, as she looked up from her coffee, with another shrug. Ryan shrugged in return, with a small amount of laughter.

"More like booty call."

They both laughed. Esposito wasn't really the type of guy who fell in love and committed to someone. At least, that's how they knew him. For a long time, he had teased Ryan about Jenny. But still, they both knew that once their dear friend Javier found his true love, everything would change. Kate imagined that Kevin would start teasing him the way Javi had always teased him, while he was in love. Now that he was no longer in a relationship, he had nothing to stop him from teasing his partner. She returned to stirring her coffee with the spoon, watching the hot, mocha colored liquid spin around.

"Hey..."

Kevin said, not wanting to see her so bothered anymore. He knew if he didn't cut to the chase now, he never would. He'd cower out, like he always did. Or, after she was gone, he'd say everything he wanted to say to her, to himself. Just like at the precinct the night before. She glanced up from her cup, towards his face. He watched as she tried to force a smile into place. He noted that it was kind of adorable. She was trying to hide and he could see right through it. He wondered if she even knew.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Kate thought about his offer. She weighed both sides of the decision. If she said yes, there was so much she could tell him. She could spill out her heart about Castle and the investigation. All of her fears. All of her worries. She knew Ryan would listen to her. She knew he wouldn't tell a soul. He was a good friend like that. But still, the fact of actually admitting her feelings and fears to anyone scared the hell out of her. They were things she could hide behind forever and keep to herself. In the end, she nodded her head to answer his question. She wanted to talk. She wanted to get everything off of her chest. And how better to do that, than tell a really good friend who was a great listener?

Ryan watched as she finally removed the spoon from her drink and wrapped her hands around the cup. He smiled a little bit, as she lifted the ceramic mug to her lips and swallowed a drink off the warm liquid. It was good to see her out of the trance she seemed to be in, when she stared into the coffee. She seemed alive again. He leaned back against his chair and made himself comfortable, ready to listen to anything Kate had to say. And whatever it was, even if it was a confession about Rick Castle, he'd listen. He'd provide any advice he could. And he'd never, ever tell anyone what she confessed. There was no length that he wouldn't go to, for her. There was nothing he wouldn't do, for her.

"The reason I didn't call Castle this morning wasn't because I didn't want to wake him,"

Beckett admitted, as she sat up, straighter, in her chair. He watched her closely, seeing that she tensed up a little bit. It was like that anytime she talked about Castle. It was like he was the forbidden topic, what she hid from most. He knew that was because she really felt something for him. And as much as it broke his heart that it wasn't him, all he really wanted was to see Kate happy. Whether that be with him, or with anyone else.

"I didn't want to face him. Not after he kissed me last night."

Much to Ryan's surprise, she didn't look down in shame, after she said that. She kept looking right at him. He felt as if she trusted him to not be disappointed in her. And he wasn't. How could he be disappointed in her? He would have felt the same way, if he had kissed Kate the night before. Without even realizing, his hand slid across the table and rested on top of her's. He felt a comforting warmth throughout his body, especially when she didn't move her hand away.

Kate glanced down at their adjoined hands. She smiled a little bit to herself, even though he could clearly see it. The fact that he understood was enough to comfort her. The fact that he was there, made it even better. But the fact that he was reaching out to her, that was enough to let her know that he cared about her and wanted to help her through her struggles. She wondered why they had never been like this before. Partners, they were. And friends too. But they had never actually shared a moment like they were now, before a few days ago. She slowly lifted her eyes, to meet his again. When she went to speak, she found him speaking instead.

"Jenny didn't break up with me because she didn't love me anymore,"

He admitted to her, being honest about it for the first time, since he had told her the relationship had ended. Kate was slightly shocked. She couldn't help but think why else Jenny would break his heart, especially if she still loved him. Still, she knew it was even harder when someone broke up with you, when they claimed to still love you. She turned her hand over, underneath his, now holding his hand. Kevin glanced down for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a breath. When he felt her squeeze his hand gently, he looked back at her. He knew she wanted to know the reason and he wasn't going to keep it from her.

"She broke up with me, because I'm in love with another woman."

Receiving that as an answer caused Beckett to blink her eyes multiple times. Another woman? Who could it possibly be? She didn't know Ryan to even hang around other women. Unless it could have possibly been Lanie. No, it couldn't be. She had assumed that about Esposito and Lanie this morning. But that seemed way more possible than Ryan and Lanie. She squeezed his hand once again, knowing that he probably felt so much shame for being with one woman, and harboring feelings for another at the same time.

"Does she love you, too?"

She found herself asking. If Kevin Ryan was in love with a lucky girl who loved him back, then he should be happy with her. He shouldn't continue a relationship with another woman, just because they were already together. Who was she to judge anyway? She was in love with a man and far too afraid to admit it.

"I like to think that she does..."

Ryan replied, giving her a hopeful glimpse of a smile. She managed to smile the same way back at him. She knew he had know idea of the other woman's feelings. Had Jenny not caught on to his feelings, he'd probably still be with her, hiding from the loneliness of trying to be with the one you truly loved. It felt the same with her, about Castle. She was alone, very alone. She liked to think that Castle returned her feelings, but she didn't know the truth. She didn't want to risk that making a fool out of herself to tell him her feelings, only to end up with a broken heart. And she knew that Ryan had to feel the same way about his mystery woman.

"I like to think that she loves you too, Ryan."

He smiled again, when she said that. It touched his heart to hear that. She didn't know what she had said to him, because she didn't know the secret woman he loved was her. She smiled in return, as he squeezed her hand gently. In that moment, they both felt so well connected to each other, like they had never felt before. Who knew that a cup of coffee and spilling your deepest, darkest secrets could feel that way? Certainly, not him and not her.

"Thanks, Beckett."

Though his reply was so simple, Kate knew that it meant more than it sounded like it did. He was thanking her for not judging him, for not asking a million questions about his mystery woman, and for understanding his feelings. She nodded her head, her smile still in place.

"For you, Ryan? Anytime."

Although they were partners and friends before this moment, they never really felt it really meant anything until this very moment. Being partners meant having each other's back in any tough situation, work or outside of work. And here, in the middle of the coffee shop, they did. Being friends meant being there, just listening, and understanding, no matter what the situation was. And today, they had both done that for each other.

They had a new found feeling of both terms, as the finished their drinking their coffee. Afterward, just as Ryan had assumed, they argued, in a playful manner, over who would pay for Beckett's coffee. In the end, she gave in, letting him pay for her's. She promised that next time, she was buying, but Kevin didn't care, nor would he let her. He wanted to spoil her rotten, like any man should an amazing woman such as herself. He thought Castle was an idiot for not taking the opportunity to be with Kate, when he had every chance in the world. It was like he was too blind to see it. Still, it was none of his business and he would stay out of it, unless Kate asked him to get involved. Then, he'd do anything she asked of him. Even if it meant losing her to another man, forever...


	8. Chapter 8

He wasn't really sure how he ended up there, standing outside of her apartment door. He had a bottle of wine in one hand and a dozen of roses in the other. He wasn't sure what had prompted him to purchase either item. He just knew that both himself and Kate had a rough day. He just somehow wanted to make it better. If flowers and a cheap bottle of wine didn't help, then he didn't know what was going to.

As he knocked on the door, he thought about how the events of the day unfolded themselves. First, Beckett had gotten a strange phone call. She didn't tell him much about it, but he could tell from the way she acted that it was something serious. He remembered a few days ago, when she had gotten a message on her phone and seemed bothered by it. Maybe it was connected. Either way, he was worried about his partner.

Not soon after the phone call, they received another call about a body being found in another alleyway. When they arrived on the crime scene, they were once again frustrated to learn that there was no DNA evidence left behind and no connection to any of the other murders they had been dealing with. So far, they had three victims, not a single suspect, and not one convicted murder. The only connection they had was that each victim had been found in an alley. They weren't killed where they were found. Without the original crime scenes, they weren't sure they would ever bring justice to the innocents who were murdered.

Detective Ryan knew that his partner was taking this a lot harder than him or Esposito was. He knew that Beckett always made it her personal goal to catch these killers. She did it, not only for the loved ones of the victims, but for herself as well. Her mother's murderer had never been caught. It was something that haunted her every single day. Through catching other killers, she brought her mom justice, in the little ways that she could. Of course, Kate had never truly admitted this to Kevin. He just assumed it, having figured her out. He often wondered if Castle had figured her out as well as he had. He had been her partner for years. Rick Castle had just recently come into her life.

When Kate pulled the door open, Kevin was surprised to see her standing there like she was. Her hair was messy and free at her shoulders and she was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. He had never seen her outside of her professional attire. Still, he couldn't help but think that she looked more beautiful than ever. Sure, she was beautiful all dressed up, like any other woman was. But here, in this setting, she had nothing but her natural beauty. He noted that she didn't need fancy clothes or high heels to make her beautiful. Though, in all reality, he already knew that.

"Hey..."

She spoke softly, glancing at the roses and the bottle of wine in her partner's hands. She couldn't help but to crack a small smile. He was so considerate and caring. She didn't know why he hadn't hooked up with the woman of his dreams yet. She would have to be a fool to resist such a man like him.

"Hey,"

He replied, giving her the best smile he could muster up. For some reason, in that moment, he was very nervous. He had never been alone with Kate at her apartment before. He noticed that she noticed the gifts that he brought and he couldn't help his chuckle.

"They're for you,"

He explained, as he held out the roses for her to take, at first. She smiled at him, as she accepted them. She lifted the bouquet to her face, inhaling their sweet fragrance.

"Thank you, Kevin. They're beautiful."

He smiled, as he watched her with the roses.

"It's the least I could do, Kate. I mean, after all, you did buy me roses too. Just think of it as returning the favor,"

He explained, wondering if she'd think of it as more than that. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea and figure everything out, but at the same time, he also wanted her to know. He just didn't want to embarrass himself or for her to reject him. She just smiled at him, calming his nerves slightly.

"It's very sweet,"

She told him, as she opened up her door more.

"Please, come in..."

Just as quickly as his nerves died down, they awoke again. He stepped forward, following her inside her home. He hoped to God that he didn't do or say anything stupid. It was different, being with Beckett at work. But in her home, there was nothing to protect him from acting like an idiot. Once he was inside the apartment, she closed the door. He watched as she locked it back. He wondered if deep down inside, she didn't feel safe. He thought of the two phone incidents and didn't feel as if she was safe either. He knew she had a gun here, but he found himself reaching for his at his side.

_Good._

He thought to himself. He could protect her, if need be. He _would_ protect her. Kate turned to face him, giving him another slight smile. He found himself returning the same, awkward smile. Both of them knew what was going on here. Both of them were afraid. Not just for themselves. Not just for each other. But for everyone in the city. This killer they were dealing with was dangerous. He had been able to outsmart them three times already and they each had the same feeling he was going to kill again.

"How about I pour us each a glass of wine?"

Kevin suggested, hoping to lighten their spirits, if only for a moment. Kate nodded her head in response.

"There are wine glasses in the kitchen above the sink,"

She told him. He nodded and she watched as he walked away. She took her roses over to the couch with her, holding them, as she waited for his return, only moments later. She watched as he carried the two wine glasses, as well as the bottle of wine, in case they needed refills. Kate wondered if they just might drink the entire bottle, after the day they had experienced.

"Thank you,"

She said, as he handed her glass of wine to her. He sat down beside her, giving her a smile. He found himself examining her living room, just taking everything in. It was just like her. The exact way he pictured her apartment to be. If he didn't know this was her place, he would have sworn that it was, just from the way it was decorated.

"It's nice,"

He complimented, as he looked back at her tired face. She smiled a little bit, from behind her wine glass, as she sipped it.

"Thank you. I've spent a lot of time decorating it, making it just the way I wanted it,"

She replied, as she lowered her glass down to the coffee table, next to where she had laid her roses down.

"It's very you,"

He told her, as he took another sip from his wine, before setting it on the table next to hers. She laughed a little bit, taking it as a compliment.

"Thanks, Kevin. I bet your apartment is 'very you' as well,"

She said, giving him a wink. He managed to chuckle. As much as they tried though, the awkwardness of the darkness they were both feeling kept forcing itself back into the room. He let out a long sigh, running a hand back through his short locks. Her strangled smile fell from her face, causing her to glance downward, at her lap. He reached for his glass of wine again, downing what was left in it, before pouring some more into the glass.

"He's taunting me, Kevin..."

She finally admitted, quietly. She had been dodging the bullets for the past couple of days, but she knew she had to tell someone. He quickly looked to her with concern. 'He' could only mean one thing. It was the murderer behind all of this. He found himself reaching over, placing his hand on her knee. She looked towards his face, his caring, blue eyes drawing hers in.

"He's trying to get to me and it's working..."

He could hear the strangled emotion in her voice and he wanted to pull her close. He resisted from doing so, because he wasn't exactly sure how she would react. Here she was, opening up to him, and he didn't even have the courage to open up to her.

"Does... does Castle know?"

He cursed himself under his breath, for having mentioned him. When she shook her head, he felt some sort of relief though. She hadn't told Castle, but yet she was telling him right now.

"The last thing I need is for him to make a big deal about this,"

She said, as she reached for her wine glass. Kevin's hand still rested on her knee, but it didn't bother her at all. It comforted her. She hadn't felt any sense of being at ease in the last few days, but right now, her partner was giving her that relief. She took a long drink from the wine, taking in every last drop. She set her glass on the table and Kevin refilled it for her. She smiled slightly, thanking him without speaking a word.

"Yeah, Castle does seem like the type to be over-dramatic about things,"

He told her with a simple shrug. She sensed some sort of annoyance from him towards Castle, after he said that, and wondered if he meant to. She shrugged her shoulders in response, not really knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry..."

He quickly apologized, lowering his head. He knew that she liked him; more than liked him. Still, he didn't care for him. The main reason for that was that Kate had eyes for Castle, when he wished she had eyes for him.

"Don't be."

She grabbed her wine glass, taking another long drink. She started to think about how Castle wasn't here, at her side right now, in her hour of need. She didn't even have the slightest clue where he might be right now. All she did know was that it was her partner, Ryan, sitting on the couch next to her. He didn't even have to ask if she was okay. He already knew. And knowing that, he showed up. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

He lifted his eyes, glancing towards her, after her response. It had shocked him, to say the least. He found himself at a stand still, where he didn't know how to reply to that. Instead of speaking at all, he reached for his wine, taking another long drink of it. Maybe he had heard her wrong. Maybe he was wishful thinking that she said that. Maybe she really uttered the words 'it's okay' or 'why do you hate Castle?' Yet, he had this lingering feeling that she was angry with Castle.

"Thank you, for coming here tonight..."

The two of them had finished their third glass of wine, sitting in complete silence, before anything else was said. Kevin looked right at Kate, as she spoke to him. He smiled, fully, for the first time since he arrived, at her.

"No need to thank me. I would be here, no matter what the circumstances are. I know when you need me, Kate."

Her lips curled into a smile of her own, as she took in his sweet words. He knew when she needed him. Right now, she needed him. More than ever. She found herself staring at him longingly. She had never felt such need for her partner like this before. And yet, she wondered if maybe she had too much to drink. He stared back at her, feeling his heart beating differently than it ever had before. It was racing, faster than ever. He didn't know what he had done in that moment. All he did was speak the truth.

"You do..."

She whispered softly, as they seemed to move closer to each other. The room felt like it was spinning and neither of them were really aware of what was about to transpire. The long exhausting day, combined with their feelings, and the alcohol they had consumed, seemed to have taken over them completely. She felt his warm hand touching her cheek, as she leaned towards it, staring into his deep, blue eyes. He felt his head dipping down towards hers, as he got lost in her enchanting, green eyes. They both felt butterflies in the depths of their stomachs, as it came closer. And then, it happened. His lips pressed against her softer ones, in a tender kiss. Their eyes closed, allowing the moment to linger, as everything surrounding them faded to black.


	9. Chapter 9

The magic that transpired between the two of them seem to come and pass more quickly than Kevin wanted. After a few kisses, Kate pulled herself back from the lip-lock, glancing towards her partner's eyes. Her green eyes were glassy and her head was clouded. She couldn't seem to process what had just happened between the two of them. Kevin searched her eyes for answers, for the feelings he felt for her, wondering if she felt that way about him. He could still taste her on his lips. He knew he'd carry this with him forever, even if nothing else ever happened between the two of them. He wanted to tell her the truth right there. He wanted to tell her how he was madly in love with her and that was why he and Jenny had ended things. He parted his lips to speak, but before he could, Kate placed her index finger over his lips gently.

"Shh..."

She whispered. He gently placed a kiss against her finger, sending an electric rush through her finger, all the way to her heart. She let out a small laugh, watching as he pulled back from her finger. He stared into her eyes again, trying to make a decision. The only one that seemed to make sense to him in the moment was the one he acted on. He briskly pulled her face to his again, crashing his lips against hers, just like minutes before. Kate whimpered a moan against him, as she threw her arms around his neck, passion overcoming her, as she kissed him back. He shoved her backwards, down into the cushions of her sofa, as he hovered above her, his mouth assaulting her's.

"Kevin..."

She called out between kisses, as her arms dropped to her sides. Her head was spinning and her emotions were running high. The only thing she could really see and feel in this moment was _him_, her partner. He slowly pulled back, glancing down into her eyes, searching them to see what she was feeling. Did she want this? Did she want him to stop. He would never do anything to her that she didn't want. His heart was racing and he wondered if her's was too. She reached up, gently touching his cheek. He swallowed thickly, wondering if he was just dreaming. He had had this dream multiple times in two different versions. The first was a nightmare, where she told him to stop. The second version, she asked him to continue. He wondered which version it was in real life.

"Don't stop..."

She whispered to him. When he heard her say those words, his eyes brightened and a smile stretched across his weary face. His heart felt so full of love in that moment and he could feel tears in his eyes. He carefully rolled off of her and stood up from the couch. Bending at the knees, he gently lifted her from the couch and into his arms. She nuzzled her cheek against his, before her lips found their way back to his. She kissed him tenderly, as his feet did the walking, finding their way to her bedroom in her apartment. He carried her inside, closing the door behind him, before gently laying her down against the bed. She pulled him with her, up towards the headboard, her lips never leaving his for a moment. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his dress shirt, carefully unbuttoning each one, exposing his bare chest.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

The sound of his cell phone ringing, followed by the ringing of her's stopped him, as he dragged her shirt up her torso. He pulled back from their embrace, licking at his swollen lips, as he studied her eyes. She wore the same expression that he did. Disappointed. He rolled off of her, next to her in the bed, as he grabbed his phone from his pocket. She reached over, grabbing her's off of the nightstand.

"Beckett."

"Ryan."

They hung up their phones and turned to face each other. Another murder. Another damn murder. Kate bit down on her lip, as she got up from the bed, walking to her dresser for clothes. Kevin laid against her pillows, watching her. Sure, his perfect moment was ruined, but he knew this was really getting to her. They had to catch this bastard. He had to catch this bastard, for her sake. He climbed out of the bed, letting out a breath, as he approached her. He placed his hand on her shoulder from behind. She turned her head, looking back at him, giving him a weak smile.

"I wanted to forget about it,"

She said, shrugging her shoulders. Just for a moment, she had forgotten about the murderer. She had indulged herself in her partner, shutting everything else out.

"Me too, Kate..."

He admitted, as he lowered his hand from her shoulder. Letting out a sigh, he glanced down at his feet. She studied him, wondering how they were going to deal with the aftermath of what had just happened between them and what almost happened. He lifted his head, looking at her, finding her thinking the same thing he was.

"Maybe it's a good thing this didn't happen."

It killed him to say it, but it was the truth. It would've changed everything. It would've ruined their partnership, their friendship, everything they'd built up over the years. He started to question whether or not it was a good thing for him to even be in love with her. He didn't want to ruin what they already had. Then again, he couldn't change the way he felt about her.

"I have no regrets,"

She admitted honestly, before heading into the bathroom with her change of clothes. He watched her disappear behind the closed door, thinking about what she said. She had no regrets and neither did he. And they had nothing to feel guilty about either. Neither of them were in a relationship. He reached up, scratching the back of his head, as he approached the bathroom door. He knocked on it twice, gently.

"Hey Beckett..."

He called, waiting for an answer. When she didn't reply, he raised his eyebrow. He knocked again, this time a little bit louder.

"Beckett?"

He called again, louder than before. Still, no answer. He opened up the door slowly, peeking inside. He saw the clothes she was wearing on the floor by the door. Opening the door a little wider, his eyes widened in horror. There she lay on the ground, half naked, a pool of blood around her head.

"Kate!"

He cried out, glancing towards the shattered porcelain soap dispenser next to her. He felt a chilly breeze and he glanced up at the opened window. Someone had been in here and they must have struck her from behind. How had he not heard anything? He quickly checked her for a pulse. She had a one, thank God. Pulling out his cell phone, he quickly dialed 911, explaining the situation hurriedly. He covered her up with her bathrobe that had been hanging on the door, not wanting her to be exposed to the paramedics and whoever showed up to investigate. He held her hand in his tightly, worried like hell. He wanted to hold her, but he knew moving her could result in a more serious head injury.

"Stay with me, Kate.. Please stay with me.."

He begged her, feeling a lump in his throat and tears burning the rims of his eyes. He checked her pulse again with his free hand. It was weakening. He allowed a few stray tears to fall, as he watched her, just wishing she'd wake up and talk to him. He wanted her to tell him that she was going to be just fine. He needed to see her eyes, so beautiful, so alive. He needed to know she'd make it.

"I can't lose you, Kate.. Not now.. I love you, Kate.. Stay with me.. I love you.."

He rambled on and on, as he watched her lifelessly on the floor. He heard the sirens in the background and just prayed to God it wasn't too late.


	10. Chapter 10

He hadn't left her side for a moment, when they got to the hospital. The doctors had insisted that he wait in the waiting room, while they examined her, but he just wouldn't. He had to be sure she wasn't going to leave him, while he wasn't there. He couldn't bare to lose her. Not now. Not when they had gotten so close over this case. He had seen more into the Kate Beckett he was in love with and he only fell more in love with her. And for some silly reason, he could feel in his heart that he wasn't the only one with feelings. This thing wasn't one sided anymore. He knew it might take some time for her to realize what was happening between them, but it would be worth waiting for. He'd wait until the end of time for her.

He sat in her recovery room, listening to the sounds of her machines beep. She had not woken yet and the doctors were worried because of the head injury. They didn't know whether or not she had slipped into a coma or not. If she didn't wake in the next twenty four to forty eight hours, they would assume that she did. Kevin feared the worst. He feared he'd never be able to gaze into her beautiful green eyes again. He couldn't live with that. He couldn't go on with his life, while she laid in this bed comatose, not knowing when she would wake. He needed her by his side everyday, fighting crime together, keeping the secret of what had happened in her apartment between the two of them. He didn't want it to be a secret, but until she was awake and better, he didn't want to discuss it. He didn't want to take the chance of repressing what had come alive on her sofa, in her bedroom.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, he turned his head. There in the doorway, he saw Castle, holding a bouquet of flowers. Esposito must have filled him in, when Ryan had called to explain what had happened and why they wouldn't be making it to the crime scene. He knew that Javier would send another team to the scene and would stop everything to track down whoever attacked their partner. He also knew that the moment Rick Castle found out, he'd show up right here; predicting the expensive flowers as well. Disgruntled, he turned his head back to face his unconscious partner.

"How is she?"

Castle asked, as he walked closer to where Beckett lay in the bed, Detective Ryan at her side. Kevin let out a sigh, as he turned to look at the writer again. Rick could sense some tension between himself and the detective. Though, he couldn't imagine why his partner, and friend, would be hateful towards him.

"There's been no change. Vitally, she's stable, but she still hasn't woken up. The doctors don't want to say it, but it's written all over their faces. They think she's in a coma,"

Ryan explained to Castle, before looking back at Beckett's pale face. She had lost a lot of blood from the blow to the head. She was lucky to have survived such a hit.

"How did you not hear her attacker?"

Rick questioned, as he stepped closer to the bedside table, placing the flowers down there for her to see, when she finally woke up. The male detective bit down on his lip. He had asked himself the same question, over and over again, since it had all unfolded. He blamed himself. If he had heard something amiss in the bathroom, he could have stopped the attack and potentially stopped the killer from killing again, if it was the same person. He had a great feeling it was. The serial killer had been stalking Kate and it was obvious that he wanted to either send her a message or really kill her. If he could just track down this guy, he'd make him pay for what he did to her, among everyone else. He wasn't sure he could control himself from killing the bastard, but the cop in him knew he would have to try.

"If you're trying to blame me for what happened to her..."

He replied, open-endedly, as he glanced up at Castle with narrowed eyes. Rick took the hint and decided to back down. He could feel that Ryan already blamed himself and that was enough for him.

"You know, if I lost her..."

Castle started to speak, but Ryan interjected, angrily.

"If _YOU_ lost her? How about if _I_ lost her?"

The writer was taken back by his sudden outburst. His eyes widened, wondering what was going on here. Sure, they were partners. They were friends. But for some reason, Rick sensed that something else was underneath it all. Something more serious.

"If I lost her, she'd never know how I feel about her,"

He decided to continue, wanting to get under Ryan's skin, to see what it unleashed. He hoped for the truth for the real reason he was at Beckett's apartment in the middle of the night; in her bedroom, while she was changing in the bathroom. Kevin glanced down at Kate's blood on his shirt. He wanted to lash into Castle, but he decided to remain calm.

"What do you feel for her, huh?"

He asked, lifting his eyes to stare into Castle's, looking for truth.

"Because honestly, Rick, the only thing I've seen you do to her is lead her on. You make her think that you want her, that you have feelings for her. Then, you just crush her when you chase after another girl. Or, you kiss her. Then, you don't call. You don't come see her in her hour of need. Do you even know when she needs you? Because it sure doesn't seem like you do..."

Ryan scolded him, as he fixed Beckett's hand in his. Her hand was cold and he wondered if she was cold. The least he could do, for now, was provide her with a little bit of warmth.

"Like you could possibly know something like that,"

Castle countered, folding his arms over his chest, becoming uncomfortable with this conversation.

"You think not? Well, you better think again... I've been there, by her side for the past few years while she's developed feelings for you. I've seen her happy, I've seen her broken, all because of you. And last night, when she really needed someone, were you there by her side? No. You know how I know that? Because I was there. And when I showed up, I half expected for you to be there with her. You weren't. Of course you weren't. You're nothing but an adolescent boy, chasing after the girl he wants to sleep with and then toss her to the side, like she doesn't mean a thing. Or maybe you just like the sick game of toying with her emotions. She's waited for you this long and I don't think she'll be waiting anymore."

In his heart, Kevin hoped that much was true. She wouldn't have to wait around for something that wasn't there anymore. She could have something real with someone who wanted to return all of the things she felt for them. She could have someone who loved her unconditionally. She could have _him_.

He turned his head, glancing back towards her face. Just as he did, something magical happened. His heart fluttered in his chest, as he watched her come alive. Her eyelids slowly lifted, revealing those eyes he loved looking into. He felt her hand lightly, weakly squeeze his and he let out a ragged breath, as a small smile stretched across his face.

"You're awake..."

As Castle stood there, watching the two of them take in each other's presence, he knew exactly where he stood now. He had lost his chance. While he was busy playing games with her feelings and trying to figure out his own, someone else had stepped in. Someone else that had been there all along, hiding in his shadow. He had never would have guessed that Kevin Ryan could woo Beckett. But somehow, he had won her heart, leaving him standing in the cold. He decided there was no place for him here now and maybe not even in Beckett's life at all, as he stepped out into the hallway, leaving the two of them alone. He felt a little hurt that he missed his shot and knew that Ryan was right about everything he said about him. If only he could have been up front and honest from the beginning. He dismissed his thoughts and regrets, as the elevator doors closed behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

"How are you feeling?"

Ryan asked her, a few moments after Castle had left the room. He could tell that Beckett questioned why he would just leave like that. He didn't want to tell her that it was things he said that made him go. He didn't know how she might react to that. What if she had feelings for Castle still? What if she wasn't ready to admit that there was magic between her and Kevin? What if she was afraid of the outcome, like he was? If things ended badly, it could ruin what they already had.

"Like I was hit over the head with something,"

Beckett pushed aside his thoughts with her response and the two of them shared a laugh. She slid her fingers between his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He glanced down at their hands for a minute, before meeting her eyes again. She could see the guilt reflecting back at her. He blamed himself for her attack. She didn't understand why he did, though.

"Look, Beckett..."

He started his apology, but she interrupted before he could even get to 'I'm sorry.'

"For barging into the bathroom and seeing me half naked?"

She asked him with a smile. He looked at her for a long moment, before realizing what she was trying to do. He managed a strangled laugh, as he glanced down at their hands again.

"That, too..."

Kate squeezed his hand again, to let him know everything was okay. She was okay. Nothing was his fault. Still, she didn't think that he would believe it. She frowned at the passing thought, as she shifted in the bed.

"Did Castle blame you?"

She wondered. When Ryan didn't look at her, she knew that he did. She shook her head a little bit in disgust. She didn't know why Rick would do such a thing. Then again, in the past twenty four hours, a lot had changed in her life, right down to the things she felt in her heart.

"He's wrong, okay?"

She said, as she tugged on his hand a little bit, hoping her partner would look at her. He gave into the temptation, as he glanced towards her eyes, his own pair glassy. He swallowed hard, giving her a simple nod, before looking back down at the blankets covering her body.

"Kevin, hey..."

He closed his eyes, letting out a ragged breath, as he squeezed her hand tightly. She could sense his emotions behind the embrace. Finally, he looked at her again, tears falling from his blue eyes.

"I thought I lost you, Kate. I was there, by your side. You were cold, bleeding, unresponsive. Your pulse was weak. I thought you were gone and that you'd never know..."

He spoke to her softly, his voice shaky with emotion. She bit down on her lip, as she listened. Her heart broke as she watched his feelings unfold before her. She flashed back to her apartment, earlier that night, as the allurement between the two of them coming alive.

"I'd never know... what?"

Just as she asked, his phone rang in his jacket pocket. He looked away from her, as he pulled out his phone, putting it to his ear.

"Ryan."

She listened as he talked on the phone, wondering what was going on. She assumed it was about the case they had been working on. He hung up, after telling whoever was on the other line that he would be right there. She knew that she might never know what he was about to tell her now. He gave her a slight smile, as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"I've got to go,"

He told her, as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, before letting go of it. He stood up from where he sat, fixing his jacket around him. Kate watched as he moved towards the door.

"Hey Ryan,"

She called from where she rested. He stopped promptly and looked over his shoulder at her.

"Be careful."

He gave her a short smile and a simple nod, before turning and leaving her room. Beckett laid back in the hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. She kept trying to process everything that had happened that night. Starting with Kevin and her at the apartment, getting attacked in her bathroom, ending here in the hospital room with the awkwardness of Castle blaming Ryan and leaving like he did, and whatever it was Ryan was trying to tell her. She was woken from her thoughts by a knock against the door frame. Looking up, she saw her best friend, Lanie.

"Girl, I don't hear from you for a few days, and then you get knocked over your head in your own home. Are you trying to rid yourself of me?"

The medical examiner joked, causing both of the women to laugh. Kate gave her a smile, as she waved her into the room with her hand.

"I swear it's only a coincidence,"

She told her friend, as she took a seat beside her bed. Lanie made herself comfortable, giving her a friendly smile.

"It better be. Or the next time you get attacked in your bathroom, it's going to be me hitting you over the head."

They both shared another laugh, as Lanie reached over, placing her hand over top of Kate's.

"I'm glad you're okay,"

She told her sincerely. Kate met her eyes, nodding her head.

"If it hadn't been for Ryan, I might not be..."

Her response caused Lanie to raise her eyebrow in curiosity. Beckett could read it all over her face. The same question that everyone else was asking: what was Ryan doing in her apartment that late? Lanie lifted her finger, pointing towards her friend.

"I think we'll save that for another day..."

She said with a wink. Kate was grateful for that. If anyone deserved to know the truth, the real reason he had been there, it was her. But first, Kate would have to figure out the truth in all of what happened, the real meaning behind what had happened between the two of them. She had a strong feeling that she already knew though. At least, she knew what had happened for her.

"Castle?"

Lanie asked, as she examined the flowers on the bedside table. Beckett nodded, watching as her friend picked up the card in the flowers. She hadn't bothered to look, because she was so caught up in her partner. She hadn't even cared that Castle had brought her flowers.

"To the woman who means more to me than she knows. I'm so glad you're okay, Kate..."

Lanie read from the card, before looking to Kate again.

"Damn girl. I think you've finally got what you've wanted,"

She said to her friend. Beckett simply shrugged her shoulders. In that moment, she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. She wasn't sure what she felt. Lanie raised her eyebrow once again, this time confused.

"I think somebody hit you over the head too hard. Aren't you the same woman who has been secretly and madly in love with Rick Castle for these past few years?"

Kate looked towards her face. Lanie looked so confused. She searched deep inside, looking for a way to explain this to her best friend. It was hard, since she didn't even know how to explain it to herself. All she knew was that something had changed in her heart. What was true yesterday wasn't exactly true today. She took a deep breath, before finally answering Lanie's question.

"I _was_..."


	12. Chapter 12

She had been asleep, when the light came on in her hospital room, late in the night. She had no idea what time it was, just that it was still dark outside. Her eyes tried to adjust to the bright light, as she glanced up, trying to see who had woke her. She saw that it was her partner. Not Ryan, but Esposito. She was about to tell him that it was rude to turn the lights on, when someone was trying to sleep, but stopped herself when she saw the expression on his face. She slowly sat up in bed, reaching up to rub her sleepy eyes.

"What's going on?"

She groggily asked, followed by a yawn. Esposito had a seat next to her bed. There was no easy way to tell her this. He could see that she could already sense something was wrong. She was just waiting for him to break the bad news. News that he didn't even want to say out loud.

"_Javier, tell me..._"

The fact that she used his first name meant she was serious. He couldn't beat around the bush anymore. He had to tell her. Reaching for her hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze, before clearing his throat.

"We got a lead earlier in the case. And I called Ryan, when he was here with you,"

He started, unable to look her in the eye. He stared at their intertwined hands, wondering how she was going to take this. He had taken it badly himself, wondering what they were even going to do. But this was different for her. It was personal for her.

"Where is he?"

Esposito let out a breath, as he met her eyes. He stared into them for a moment, taking in her concern for her partner, their partner. He knew if he was the one that had disappeared, it would be the same thing. They were like a second family.

"He decided to follow the lead, on his own. Nobody has seen him or heard from him since he left..."

He told her, before looking down in shame. He and Ryan were partners. He should have never let him go off on his own. Now, he feared the very worst. He feared the next call they got about a dead body was going to be his partner's.

Beckett sat there, trying to process everything he had said. He had followed a lead on the case and never come back. She knew that could mean what she knew Esposito was thinking it did. But she couldn't just give up like that. Not after everything they had been through, with the case, and in their personal lives. She reached up, wiping her misty eyes, before looking back at her other partner.

"He's alive. I would know if he wasn't. I would feel it."

Esposito lifted his eyes, meeting her green ones again. She would feel it? He thought that was something that only twins and soul mates could sense. But then again, the three of them had been partners for a long time now.

"He's out there. Somewhere he is, Jav. And he needs us to find him, to save him."

The male detective had a new outlook on things. Even though he knew this serial killer had the same pattern of killing random people and killed them the same way, without leaving any evidence behind, there was a chance. He would hold Ryan for what he wanted. Then, once he got what he wanted, he would kill him. They just needed to beat him at his game.

"Get me out of this hospital. Let's go save Ryan."

It was all she needed to say and he was down the hallway, signing her release forms, while she changed in the bathroom. When she was dressed and free to go, the two of them rode in his and Ryan's cruiser to a place she thought she wouldn't go again. She knew she had to though. She needed his help.

When Castle opened up the door, he was surprised to see her standing there, in front of him. Just as surprised as she was to be standing in front of him. Esposito had decided to wait in the car, knowing it was going to be awkward. He had heard what had happened between Castle and Ryan, from his partner. He didn't want to face it in full force and head on from the writer.

"You look like you've seen a ghost,"

Beckett joked lightly, managing a small laugh, one in which Castle managed to return. He let her into his penthouse and she was relieved that Martha and Alexis weren't around.

"I just didn't expect you to be out of the hospital already, Kate. Are you sure you're okay?"

She gave him a smile and nodded her head once, as she glanced around his penthouse, casually, before looking back at him.

"I wanted to thank you, for the flowers. They were lovely,"

She made small talk. She wondered if he would even agree to what she had come here for. Esposito had tried to talk her out of it, the entire ride to his place. She just knew that he was the only one who could help. He thought outside of the box and that had always been useful and helpful to her in the past.

"Your friend didn't seem to appreciate me bringing them to you,"

Rick replied, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. Kate could sense his jealousy. She knew that now wasn't the time, nor the place for them to have that conversation. There were other things that took precedence now.

"That's actually why I am here,"

She told him. He gave her a confused look and she let out a sigh. She had never had to ask him for help before, he just was always there to offer his insights.

"He's gone, Rick... Out of nowhere, he's just gone..."

He watched as she broke in front of him and he could hear it in her voice. He couldn't resist it, as he took her into his arms, holding her close. She melted against him, as her tears broke free.

"Tell me what happened,"

Castle whispered to her as he rocked her gently. Beckett looked up to his face, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"He followed a lead. I think it was a trap. And now he's gone."

Rick could tell that whatever had conspired between the two of them was the real deal. What he once was sure that Kate Beckett had felt for him had been placed somewhere else now. Somewhere much more belong and much more worthy.

"You have to help me. Please Rick, _please_..."

It had almost sounded like she was begging him. He hated that she felt like she had to beg him, even if it was Ryan who had disappeared. He and Kate had been friends, really good friends. He may have missed his opportunity to spend forever with her, but he wouldn't trade their friendship for the world. He hugged her closer, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"Say no more... Let's find him and bring him home to you."


	13. Chapter 13

He woke up in the dark, completely unaware of his surroundings, or what happened to him. He had a headache and the last thing he could remember was that he had left Beckett's hospital room to follow up on a lead. Everything after that was a complete blur. He tried to get up from the chair he was sitting in, when he realized he couldn't move. He was bound to the chair. He struggled to loosen the ropes around his hands and his feet, but realized he couldn't. He let out a frustrated groan, just as he heard a door open. A dim light cast across the room, as a figure came out of the shadows. He didn't recognize the man, but figured it had to be the person who killed all of those people and attacked Beckett. Ryan narrowed his eyes at the man, as he stepped into his view.

"Cops who stick their noses in the wrong place always wind up in trouble, don't they Detective Ryan?"

The man spoke, as he circled Kevin, where he was tied to the chair. Ryan's chest heaved in and out, heavily, in anger.

"Whatever you're trying to do, you'll never get away with it,"

He spat back at the unfamiliar man, not bothering to follow him with his eyes. He just store straight ahead, into the darkness, until he felt a gun against his bare neck.

"You're wrong, Detective,"

The man said, leaning in close enough to speak only in a whisper. Ryan didn't flinch. He was a trained detective. He knew that this man wasn't going to kill him right now. He'd have to get what he wanted first. He knew ultimately what that was too. He wanted Beckett. Why else would he have attacked her in her home?

"Now, you're a smart man,"

The man started, as he pulled back his gun, beginning to circle the detective again.

"I know that you know that I don't want to kill you. I know that you know what I want. You were there. I saw the entire thing,"

He said, chuckling sadistically, as he shook his head.

"I've been watching the two of you for a long time. Let me tell you, you don't stand a chance against that writer. You aren't man enough for a woman like her."

Ryan's anger was boiling at what this murderer said. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he had been stalking Beckett or the fact that he mentioned Castle and how he wasn't man enough. He was completely pissed, though.

"Shut your damn mouth!"

He snapped at the man. His only reaction was to put the gun in Ryan's face. Calmly, he spoke.

"Now, now, Detective Ryan. You don't want to meet your maker just yet. You'll miss the entire show."

Ryan stared at him, fearlessly. He wondered what he was talking about. He had a feeling that whatever it was, it wasn't good. His guesses were proven correct, when he saw his cell phone in the stranger's hand. Stepping closer, he moved the gun to Ryan's temple, before unleashing his plan.

"Now listen and listen good. This is what you're going to do. You're going to call your little girlfriend up and you're going to tell her to meet you here. Tell her you've got another lead. You're not going to sound nervous. You're not going to try anything funny. You're going to do what I say or I'll blow your head off, for your pretty little girlfriend to hear on the other end."

Ryan swallowed hard. He had a feeling leading Beckett here was a really bad idea. Especially since there was going to be some kind of show.

"Also, lover boy. You're going to tell her that she doesn't need to bring back up. Because if she does, it's over."

The man said, mocking a gun with his hand and pulling the trigger. Kevin weighed his options. He could just let this man kill him and possibly never be caught. Or, he could lure Beckett here, by herself, and risk her life, as well as his. He knew that she'd never forgive him, if he just let himself die, without a chance. She'd always wonder why he sacrificed himself like he did. She'd wonder what he was trying to prove. He'd never have the chance to tell her, if he didn't lead her down here. Letting out a breath, he looked back at the man.

"Okay. I'll do it."

Beckett was sitting at her desk, going over potential leads Ryan could have been following, with Esposito, when her cell phone rang. She looked at it and her eyes widened. She turned to Esposito and he could tell something was up.

"It's him,"

She told him. He glanced towards her phone, seeing Ryan's picture and his number. She quickly pressed to talk, putting the phone to her ear.

"Ryan, where are you? Are you okay?"

She asked quickly. Esposito searched her eyes, waiting to see her reaction. On the other line, the man smirked at her concern and Ryan realized he made the wrong decision. He should have just died for her. At least that way, he could have been her hero. He let out a deep breath.

"Beckett, hey. Yeah, I'm fine..."

He calmly told her, as the man with the gun to his head stared down at him. Beckett looked at Espo, with an expression that said their partner was okay.

"Where are you? We've been worried about you. You fell off the radar and we assumed the worst,"

She replied, wondering why he was stalling on what he had been up to. She sensed something was up. It just didn't feel right. Why would he freak them out like he did, just to call and act like nothing had happened?

"Um.. Yeah.. About that.."

He said, as the man gave him a stern look to stick to the plan. He let out another breath, before continuing.

"I'm really sorry I scared you guys. I followed the lead and it didn't lead anywhere. But then, as I was on my way back to the precinct, I got another lead. I headed down here and I think that there's something you need to see."

The man with the gun grinned like a fool. His plan was coming along better than he thought it would. He almost wanted to let Detective Ryan live for his efforts. He wouldn't do that, though. He was going to kill Detective Beckett in front of him and then kill him. After the job was done, he'd disappear like he always did.

Beckett raised an eyebrow as she looked toward Esposito. He could read that something was wrong, just as well as she felt it. He'd wait until she was off the phone to ask her.

"Okay... Espo and I will be right there..."

She said, awaiting his reaction that she wouldn't be coming alone. If Ryan told her to come alone, she'd be able to tell that something was really wrong, more than she already could. Ryan felt his heart sink in his chest, regretting what he had to do next.

"It's better if you come alone, Kate."

She knew it. Kevin was being held by the killer they had been chasing. This phone call was forced and he was trying to lure her there. He had an agenda the entire time. He killed to get her attention, stalked her to get to know her better, targeted Ryan to lure her to save him, and then he was going to kill her and probably him, as well.

"Yeah. Okay,"

She said. Ryan gave her the address of the warehouse he was being kept in and then the killer disconnected the call. Beckett knew there wasn't anything she could do except for go alone. If she did everything the right away, she could save Ryan, even if it was risking her own life. She put on her coat and started for the elevator. Esposito quickly followed behind her.

"Where are you going?"

He called after her. She didn't stop for a moment, as she reached the elevator and called for it. He finally caught up to her, out of breath.

"You can't be serious, Beckett,"

He said, as the doors slid open on the lift. She turned to face him, after stepping on.

"Don't try to stop me."

It was all that she said, as the doors closed and the elevator descended. He let out a heavy sigh. She was crazy. She didn't even have a plan. How did she plan on saving Ryan, when she'd have to protect herself? One of them was going to die, maybe even both of them, because she didn't even have backup. He headed back to his desk, grabbing his coat, just as Castle returned from the break room with a cup of coffee, clearly meant for Beckett. He looked clueless, when he saw her desk empty.

"Esposito, where did Beckett go?"

He asked, as Javier started to the same elevator she left on, only minutes before. Castle followed behind him, after setting the cup of coffee on the vacant desk.

"Esposito?"

Espo pressed the button to call the elevator, ignoring the writer. When the doors opened, he stepped on, turning to face Castle.

"Where is Beckett? Where are you going?"

"Castle, shut up and let's go!"

The detective snapped at the writer. Castle could tell something was wrong. He stepped onto the elevator, unsure what was happening and where he was going. All he knew was that Beckett must have left first and it had something to do with Ryan's disappearance.


	14. Chapter 14

Ryan regretted making that phone call. He had hoped that she wouldn't come, at least not alone. But when he heard the clicking of those ridiculous heels outside the door to the warehouse, and no other sets of feet, he knew she came by her lonesome. The killer had disappeared from the room, leaving Ryan tied up where he was. If he could convince her to go, to save herself, maybe he could save her. When he heard the door open up, he breathed uneasily. He already knew there was no convincing her. He stared towards the door, watching her come in.

"Ryan?"

Beckett called out into the darkness, until she saw him sitting in the chair in the middle of the room. At second glance, she noticed he was bound to it. She instantly rushed to his side, kneeling down.

"Oh my god..."

She exclaimed, as she started fumbling with the ropes that kept him together.

"Kate, no. No, you've gotta go. Save yourself..."

Ryan told her, as he looked around the dark room, for any signs of the man who had forced him to call Beckett.

"There's no way in hell I'm leaving without you,"

She responded, as she loosened his hands from the rope. Ryan didn't see the mysterious man anywhere. He looked back at Beckett, as his hands slid free.

"It's a trap. He's going to kill us both,"

He told her, as he reached down, untying his legs himself. Just as he was free, he heard footsteps, followed by that sadistic laughter again. Beckett instantly looked in the direction. There, in the darkness, stood the 'he' Ryan had mentioned. She rose to her feet, reaching for her gun.

"Detective Beckett, you know better than to do that,"

The man said calmly. She stopped midway to her holster, knowing there would be consequences if she didn't.

"If you'd be so kind to give me your weapon."

She sighed heavily, as she got out the gun. She knelt down, laying it on the floor, before sliding it over to him with her foot. He caught it with his own foot, leaving it lay there on the floor.

"What do you want from us?"

Ryan asked, as he stood up from the chair he was once bound to. The man just laughed at his question.

"Detective Ryan, you've already unleashed my diabolical plan to your partner. Why ask such stupid questions?"

He answered the cop's question with one of his own. Beckett narrowed her eyes through the darkness at the man.

"Who are you?"

She asked him, trying to make out his face in the darkness. She had made many enemies through the force. Some where people she had put away. Some were people she couldn't put away, but tried to. She had a feeling that this guy was neither of those.

"It doesn't matter who I am. I already know all about you, Detective Beckett. I don't need to have a get to know you session."

"Why did you kill all of those people then? If you know all about me, then what were they for?"

She asked another question. She hated the thought of someone killing in her name. She had gone through a similar experience, when Heat Wave had first come out.

"Those were more of a fun game for you and I to play. I kill them, I watch you try to solve the case, and when you can't, who has won? Not you. Not the great Kate Beckett. I win."

He explained, still hiding in the darkness. Neither Beckett or Ryan understood at all. What did someone have to gain by killing random people and never being discovered for it? They exchanged glances, before Ryan looked back at the figure in the darkness.

"So you have a personal vendetta against Detective Beckett?"

He asked, as he stepped towards the man. He lifted his gun, pointing it at Ryan.

"Ry..."

Beckett said, wanting him to stop while he was ahead of himself. If she had learned anything at all in life, you don't take risks at gun point. He stopped where he was, knowing he shouldn't do anything stupid.

"You're not man enough, Detective Ryan. Not for her and definitely not to stand up to me,"

The man in the darkness said, as he let out another one of his evil laughs. Kate watched Kevin, knowing that was going to spark his anger. Sure enough, she was right. He lunged into the dark, right at the man.

"Kevin!"

She exclaimed, from where she stood. The two of them struggled in the dark, for the gun. She couldn't see well enough to make out what was happening. She was scared for her partner's life. She looked down at the floor, realizing the killer had left her gun laying there. She picked it up, prepared to shoot, if she had to. She moved into the darkness, seeing the two figures still struggling.

"I'm going to make sure your death is slow and painful, Detective Ryan!"

The mystery man shouted, as he fought for the gun from the cop.

"You're not going to have the chance!"

Ryan exclaimed in return, as he continued to struggle to hold on to the weapon. Beckett couldn't make out much. She could see their figures. Ryan, shorter than the stranger, had most of the control on the gun. She aimed her own weapon at his captive taker, but every time she got a good shot on him, they moved away.

"Give... me... the gun!"

The man said again, as he pulled as hard as he could, getting the gun free from Ryan, who fell to the floor. The man leaned over him, pointing the gun down at him. He stared up at him, unable to see the face of his soon-to-be killer, through the dark. Out of the corner of his eye, the murderer could see the other detective and her gun, pointed at him.

"I want you to watch closely, as I kill the woman you weren't man enough to tell her that you love her."

Ryan looked to his left, and just as he did, the gun went off. He watched Kate's knees fold, as she melted to the floor, her gun falling at her side. His heart was racing, as he started to get up, only to be knocked back down by the man who shot her.

"Now, it's your turn to die, Detective Ryan..."

The mystery man pointed his gun back at him. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, as he stared down his fate. He heard the safety click on the gun and prepared himself from the bullet. He hadn't been shot before, so he didn't know what it was like. He thought of Kate, laying on the floor. Was she dead? He had only wanted to save her. The thing he had done was just the opposite. Worst of all, he never got to tell her he loved her.

He closed his eyes, as he heard the gun go off. He didn't feel anything and he wondered if he died instantly. He heard shuffling footsteps and echoes of voices, followed by more gunfire. When he opened his eyes, he realized he hadn't been shot at all. He saw the gun once pointed at him laying beside him on the floor. And beside that, the figure in the dark, that had once held the gun. In the distance, he could make out his partner, Esposito, and Castle. Beckett hadn't come alone, after all. And if she thought she did, she was wrong.

"Beckett..."

He instantly remembered. He got up from where he was on the floor, rushing to her side. He saw the puddle of blood and his heart sank deep into his stomach. She was unconscious, but she seemed to be still breathing, weakly.

"Get an ambulance here! Fast!"

The worry in his voice had Esposito calling for one immediately. Ryan took her cold hand, squeezing it tightly, as he stared at her face through the darkness.

"Don't go now, Kate. Please don't go now,"

He begged her. Why couldn't it have been him who was shot? Why did he have to be so reckless? He had gotten her hurt. All of the poor choices he had made tonight had gotten her hurt. Now, he didn't even know if she would have a life to live anymore. He heard footsteps come up behind him and looked over his shoulder to find Castle. They both gave each other an apologetic look. Ryan simply nodded his head, before looking back at Beckett on the floor.

"She deserves someone like you, Castle. You would never put her in danger like I did,"

He said quietly, as he continued to hold her hand, just wishing that she'd give him a sign that she was going to make it.

"No, Ryan. She deserves to be with someone who will be honest with her. Someone who will tell her how he feels and not be afraid to tell her how he feels. But most of all, she deserves to be with someone who will love her,"

Rick replied, as he heard the ambulance sirens nearing. Kevin turned his head, looking at the writer again.

"And if you can be that person, then you're a better man than I could ever be. I missed my chance, because let me tell you, she's made up her mind about you already."

Ryan turned his head, looking back at her laying on the floor. Castle knelt down, just enough to pat him on the shoulder.

"Don't miss your opportunity,"

He said quietly, before moving out of the way, so the paramedics could get to Kate. Ryan thought about what Castle said, as he slowly let go of Beckett's hand, moving out of the way as well. He stood there, watching as they took care of her. He silently prayed that she was going to be okay, as well as for forgiveness for putting her in the line of fire. Esposito walked up next to him, watching as their partner was strapped to a gurney.

"You should get yourself checked out, too, Bro,"

He said to Ryan, as he glanced to the side at him. Ryan tore his eyes away from Beckett, to look at his other partner.

"Nah. I'm okay,"

He said, letting out a deep breath. He looked around the warehouse, thinking about the hell they had all been through with this investigation. What had it all been about? Why did the killer have an obsession with Beckett? Nothing about it had made sense.

"Come on. I'll drive you to the hospital,"

Esposito told him, as he started for the door. Ryan followed, setting aside his thoughts about the homicide case, thinking about Beckett and everything Castle had said to him. He knew Castle was right about everything. He just didn't know how Beckett could ever forgive him for what he had done tonight. He couldn't even forgive himself. If he couldn't do that, then why should she have to forgive him? He slipped into the backseat of the cruiser, letting Castle take his usual seat up front. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He knew if he shared them with the guys, they would just argue that Beckett wouldn't even blame him. That was if she made it through this...


	15. Chapter 15

Time seemed to freeze, while they waited at the hospital. Esposito convinced Ryan to have a doctor or a nurse look at him, while they waited. Even that didn't help to pass the time any quicker. Each time a doctor or a nurse came into the waiting room, they were there for another patient. Since they had arrived, Lanie had joined them in waiting, as well as Beckett's father. They were taking it as a good sign that they hadn't been notified sooner. That had to mean that she was still alive. Still, she could have been in there, fighting for her life.

The person to be struggling the hardest during the wait was Ryan. He kept pacing and everyone could see the regret on his face. Finally, he decided he was going to get some air, and slipped out of everyone's sight. Soon after he did, the doctor finally came into the room again. He looked towards the large group that had been waiting a long time.

"Kate Beckett's family?"

He asked, as he looked up from his clipboard. Everyone rose from their chairs, even though the only family member was her father. Jim stepped forward, towards the doctor.

"I'm her father,"

He told him, as he slipped his hands into his pocket, trying to remain calm.

"How is Katie?"

"She's out of surgery. We were able to remove the bullet, but there were some complications during the operation. She went into cardiac arrest. She's in recovery now,"

The doctor explained to her father, before looking at the group behind him.

"I suggest you all go home and come back tomorrow, when she's awake. She needs her rest."

Mr. Beckett turned to face them all as well.

"I'll let her know you all were here for her."

They all seemed to agree, before disappearing out of the waiting room, after Esposito agreed to drive them both (Castle and Lanie) home, since it was late. He figured that Ryan would hail a cab to get home, since he had left quite awhile ago to get some air. Once they were gone, Jim headed to his daughter's room, to be with her for awhile. He was just grateful she was alive. He knew her recovery would be a long one, something she wouldn't like very much, but she needed to take the time to do it. And maybe in that time, she'd take the time to enjoy her life. He hated that ever since his wife had been murdered, his daughter's life seemed to be stuck on the pause button. She had buried herself in her work, never leaving time for her own happiness. She was surrounded by murder, by death. She needed some life in her life. She needed some good in her life.

He had been by her side, while she rested, for a few hours, before a shadow cast across the room. He looked up to the doorway, only to find one of his daughter's partners standing there. He had thought they all went home, but realized that he was the one who stepped out for air. Standing from the chair, he kissed his daughter's forehead, before stepping out of the room with her partner, closing the door behind him. Ryan reached up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"How is she?"

He asked her father, as he stepped away from the door.

"On a long road to recovery,"

Jim answered honestly, as he looked through the glass window, at his daughter laying in that hospital bed.

"She had a complicated surgery. Went into cardiac arrest during it. Who would've known..."

Ryan sensed the fatherly concern that Mr. Beckett had over Kate. It didn't matter that she was all grown up. To him, that was his little girl who nearly died.

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Beckett,"

He apologized, still blaming himself for everything.

"If I hadn't done what I was told..."

Jim cut in, giving him a confused look.

"No one is blaming you. If you hadn't done what you did, you would be dead. And I don't think Katie would be okay with that. I know my daughter. And you're important to her. The last time I spent an afternoon with her, she kept going on and on about how great you are. But the funny thing is, the time before that, she went on and on about Rick Castle. I'm not a fool. I know when my Katie is crazy about someone."

Ryan stared at the man. Part of him was glad he didn't hate him for this. He wondered if Beckett had inherited most of her traits from her father. Deep down inside, even having not ever met her mother, he knew she was the perfect combination of both of them.

"That being said, I also can tell when someone is crazy about my daughter. That lingering look in your eyes is a tell."

"I've never been very good at poker,"

Ryan replied, managing to laugh a little bit. Jim managed a small laugh of his own as well. Kevin reached into his pocket, letting out a sigh, as he pulled out a box, showing it to Kate's father, who looked surprised.

"A good friend told me not to miss my opportunity,"

He said to her father, as he opened the box, to show him the ring.

"I passed a jewelry store, as I was out for air. I just kept thinking about that. I don't want to miss my opportunity, Mr. Beckett. I know you and I don't know each other very well, but I love your daughter. I'm not sure if she knows that or not. But I just know there's not another day I want to spend without her. And with your blessing, I'd love to marry her."

Jim stared at the ring, admiring it's beauty. He listened intently, as his daughter's partner explained himself, before giving him a smile.

"You don't think we know each other that well, but I feel like I know you better than you think. You're a fine detective and an even finer man. And I know you'd make my Katie very, very happy. You have my blessing, but you have to remember, she has the ultimate decision."

"Yeah. I think I'm more nervous about asking her, than I was about talking to you,"

Ryan told her father, with a nervous chuckle, as he stared into the room at his partner, who was still asleep. Jim laughed a little bit, along with him, before reaching over and patting his shoulder. Ryan let out a heavy sigh, as he ran through the events of the night one more time.

"I'm just really glad she's okay. I never would have known how to deal with it, if she wasn't. If it wasn't for her, or Esposito, or even Castle, I wouldn't be standing here right now. I don't know how lucky I am..."

"Which is why you need to start living your life. And if you and I are both lucky, you can convince my daughter the same thing. You've already taken the first step. Don't marry the job, Detective Ryan. And don't let my daughter marry the job either. At the end of the day, what do you want to go home to? At the end of your life, what do you want to look back and see?"

Kevin listened to Kate's father's words. All he could picture in his mind was Kate. She's what he wanted to go home to. Kate was what he wanted to see, when he looked back on his life. Their life together, their future from here on out. Jim didn't need him to say it, to know what he was thinking about. He just smiled and patted his shoulder one more time.

"Tell Katie I'll come by and see her in the morning for me,"

He told him softly, before walking down the hall. Kevin stayed there, staring at the woman he loved through the window. The ring was still in his hand and he thought about what Castle said and what Mr. Beckett had said. He knew that proposing was a crazy idea, but they had already lost so much time. He didn't want to lose another minute. He stepped away from the window, slipping the box back into his pocket, as he walked inside Kate's room. Just as he closed the door behind him, he saw her eyes flutter open. In that moment, he felt more nervous than he had ever felt in his entire life.


	16. Chapter 16

When Kate opened her eyes, everything from that night came rushing back to her. Ryan's phone call, showing up to save him, the battle with the mystery figure, getting shot, and now waking up here in the hospital. She felt very tired and the drugs must have been wearing off, because she was in pain. She saw Ryan coming into the room and was relieved. She hadn't known what happened to him, after she was shot. This had to mean that him or somebody else had taken out the man who had tried to kill them both.

"You're a sight for sore eyes,"

She told him, her voice groggy from sleepiness, surgery, and the medication they had given her. Ryan managed a slight smile, as he had a seat at her bedside.

"How are you feeling?"

He asked her, taking a look at the machines she was hooked up to. Her heart rate was low, but he knew that must have had something to do with her injuries. He had missed the doctor's prognosis when he stepped out for air.

"Like I've been shot in the chest..."

Kate told him, watching him closely, just taking in his presence. She reached for his hand with her colder one, grabbing it, and squeezing it weakly. Kevin turned his attention to her, looking at her pale face. It broke his heart, knowing she was in here, because of his stupidity.

"I'm _so_ sorry,"

He began to apologize, tears lining in his blue eyes. Kate shook her head a little bit, reaching her index finger up to his lips, and placing it in front of them to stop him.

"Don't,"

Was all that she said. He let out a shaky breath, nodding his head a little bit. He wished he had somewhere else to place the blame right now. He wasn't the type to point fingers, but right now, he wished he could.

"We owe Castle and Esposito big time,"

He said instead, clearing his throat of all the emotion that was building up inside. Kate gave him a surprised look. She had told Esposito not to come after her, but it was apparent that he didn't listen. He was a good partner.

"If they hadn't showed up, we both might not be here right now,"

He elaborated, before looking away again. He couldn't face her, lying in a hospital bed, just barely surviving death. Not when he knew that his reckless behavior had gotten her there.

"Kevin..."

She begged him, quietly. She had enough emotions going through her already. To see him blaming himself only brought her more pain. He shook his head a little bit, ashamed of himself, as he kept his eyes down, unable to look at her.

"I don't even know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have gone off on that lead alone. I'm a cop. A good cop. I know better than that,"

He told her, disgustedly. She watched him beating himself up, just wanting to pull him into her arms and hold him close. She wanted him to believe that it wasn't his fault. Nobody was blaming him, especially her.

"For years, I've watched you and Castle together. He was always the guy that figured everything out. He was always the guy that saved you. He was always you're hero. That's all I've ever wanted, Kate. _I want to be your hero_..."

Finally, he looked at her, right in the eye. His declaration brought tears to her green eyes. Once again, she squeezed his hand that she still hold onto.

"You _are_ my hero, Kevin Ryan. You are."

Time seemed to stop for that moment, as her words echoed in his mind. He was her hero? How was such a thing possible? He stared at her, unable to find words to say. She drew in a deep breath, and despite her exhaustion, explained.

"It takes a lot of courage, to do what you did. To watch idly, while someone else stands in your way. You knew exactly how I felt about Castle, yet you didn't try to change my mind. You were a very, very good friend and you let me figure out things on my own. You didn't tell me he was no good for me. You didn't try to stand in the way. I'm sure it was hard, and that is what makes it so fascinating. And to go after a killer who was targeting me and try to put an end to his madness, I know you might think it's reckless and stupid. But it's not. Ultimately, you saved my life, Kevin. So what, I'm laying here because I was shot. He's gone now and he can't hurt me or anyone else again. And if you wouldn't have called me, like you were supposed to, I may have never seen you again. I want you to know that I couldn't live with that."

He listened closely, as she poured her heart out to him. As tears fell from her eyes, he reached in with his free hand, to catch them. He felt the ring in the jacket of his pocket and knew that now was the most opportune moment for such a proposal. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed her hand, as she slid his other hand into his pocket.

"A good friend told me not to miss my opportunity,"

He told her, quietly, as his voice turned a little hoarse, from his emotions.

"I always thought that you and Castle would end up together. That I could never be a match to him or better than him. I'm just the dorky guy who works with you every day, not some rich writer that everyone fantasizes about. But, ever since he came into the twelfth, I had to face my feelings. I realized what I wanted and needed, what I was missing in my life. I didn't know how to speak up though, because you were in love with him and everyone could see that. So, I hid behind a bad relationship with Jenny. I never meant to hurt her, I just couldn't live a lie anymore..."

She listened closely, silently putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together, as he told his story.

"Jenny found out that I was in love with you. And that's why she left me. You're the woman I told you about the day in the diner. And you asked me if I thought she was in love with me too. I told you that I liked to think you were, even though I really knew I didn't stand a chance against Rick Castle. But then, something changed. You and I almost made love and I really believed that you felt the same about me. You're not the type of woman who just gives yourself up to anyone. I've watched you get hurt by men, countless times. You've guarded your heart, especially with Castle. But for some reason, you let me right in."

"I knew you weren't going to hurt me,"

She replied to him, softly, as she looked up at him. He was right. She had fallen in love with him, too. Anyone could see that now. Her father even knew, especially as she went from talking so much about Castle, to so much about Ryan. Lanie could tell. Even Castle knew. She was really glad that Ryan could see it too, especially since she hadn't been given the chance to tell him.

"I could never hurt somebody that I love so much,"

Kevin told her, letting out a shaky breath, as he slowly pulled the box out of his pocket. He popped it open and held it out for her to see the ring. Kate's heart stopped for a moment, as her jaw dropped and tears poured from her eyes. She couldn't believe what was happening right now.

"I know that this is really sudden. And I know we haven't even really had a relationship. But I just know I can't spend another day without you. Life's way too short and you never know when your time is up. I thought I already lost you, before I even had you, two times. A wise person told me that I can't marry the job and I will be damned if I let you marry the job. I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth, with you. I want to be the best husband I can be to you and the best father I can be to our children. I don't want to have to spend another day wondering what could be and I don't want to have to look back and wonder if only. I know what I want and need in life and that's you..."

He rambled on, nervously, as he stared at her. His biggest fear was rejection in that moment, even though he knew asking her to marry him now, like this, was a huge risk. But it was one he had to take.

"Katherine Beckett, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"


	17. Chapter 17

Three long months had passed since the night Kate Beckett had found herself shot, while trying to save her partner, Kevin Ryan. It had been quite the struggle to get back on her two feet. She had to undergo physical therapy and heal, before she could return to work. Not being able to work gave her too much time on her hands. And too much time caused her to think about things she didn't like to dwell on. Mainly, her mother's murder, the one case she couldn't let go of. It had shaped her into the person and detective she was now, but it also kept her from letting her guard down and opening up her heart to other's. She knew that she could never be the person that everyone wanted her to be, the person she wanted to be, if she couldn't let go of that murder investigation or solve it. And since working with Castle, she had found herself unable to let go of it, all over again.

He had understood, when she told him. She could still see he was upset, but he did understand. He had been by her side long enough to know what it meant to her. He had watched it destroy her relationships with anyone and she didn't want that for them. She confessed her feelings, that she loved him, and that she wanted to marry him, but she couldn't right now. If she didn't figure things out, if she didn't figure herself out, she'd end up destroying them. He didn't want that as much as she didn't. Which is why he was ready to wait for her. She was really relieved for that and he insisted that she still wear the ring. He promised to be there, by her side, every step of the way, while she figured it all out. In return, she promised to marry him, to become Mrs. Kevin Ryan. He just hoped that wherever her investigation led her, it didn't get her killed. He had just got her, he wasn't ready to let her go again.

In the three months that she was off work, Ryan had been up and down every alley that was any lead or connection to Johanna Beckett's murder. He almost hoped there was a connection between their recent near-death experience with the serial killer who had targeted Beckett, but there wasn't. Roy Anderson was just a jealous cop from another precinct, who snapped and wanted to stop Beckett from being a hero. He had come up completely empty, even after consulting Castle's expertise. He didn't want to believe there was no way in solving Beckett's mother's murder. He knew that meant she would never be ready to marry him, because no matter what she said, there was no way she could just let it go. So, each time he saw her after work, he'd tell her he was following a lead or re-checking the facts in her case file. It kept her hopes up, and kept her from worrying while she was out of commission.

Once her gunshot wound had healed enough and the time was perfectly right, Kevin and Kate had made love to each other, and it was long overdo. They had been interrupted before, the first time when Kate was attacked, with a phone call about another murder. Kate was glad that they waited because she knew they would have had regrets, despite what they may have said. She also feared that things may have not ended up where they were now, that she may have went down the wrong path, with the wrong person. Kevin knew that meant Castle and it made him glad that they waited, too.

The day that Beckett had waited for had finally arrived. She could return to work, as soon as she passed her final physical examination. And of course, she did. But when she came walking into the precinct, Ryan noted right away that she looked upset about something. He worried that something was wrong, that she hadn't healed the way she should have. He quickly rushed over to her desk, where she was making herself at home again.

"Hey, everything okay?"

He asked her. She seemed to ignore him for a moment, as she looked around the precinct, taking in the 'Welcome Back Beckett' banner and the people quickly gathering around her desk, excited to see her. She forced a smile on her face, but Ryan could still see the lingering nervous look. He decided to let it be for now and worry about it later, when he could talk to her alone.

"Yo Beckett, just because you were shot, doesn't mean we're going to go easy on you know,"

Esposito busted her chops with a sly smirk, causing a small amount of laughter between the group. Beckett smirked back at him. She had missed this. She had missed her family and her boys always giving her a hard time.

"Espo, you're the one who should be worried. About me showing you up, like I always do."

Javier chuckled and she could swear he turned a little red, especially from the outburst of the crowd. She winked at him, before looking over at the crowd, who embraced her with a warm welcome back. However, she did notice something. The lingering presence of Castle was missing. He was nowhere to be seen. She didn't expect that he would just leave, considering that he was her friend, and a part of their work family as well.

The crowd seemed to diminish, until it was just Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito. Neither one of the guys were sure how to answer the question she silently had asked. Ryan, especially, didn't know how. The talk of him and his relationship with his fiancee made him nervous. Espo finally cleared his throat and gave Ryan the 'you go ahead' look. He had a short lived hate for his partner in that moment. Still, he sucked it up, and looked towards Beckett.

"When you got shot, he stopped showing up here. I figured he didn't think there was any reason to, since you weren't here. But, when he finished his newest book, he dropped by and let us know that he wasn't going to be coming back. He said that his research was finished and that he'd just get in the way,"

Kevin explained, knowing that she was going to disagree with that factor. And even he did. He knew how valuable that Castle's insights were and that they really did enjoy having him around. Ryan also knew that he left, because he had to move on. Beckett was with someone now and he knew that she loved Ryan. He didn't want to stand in the way or take the chance that she would second guess herself. The only thing Castle wanted for her now was happiness.

"He did, however, say that Nikki Heat will continue to be his main character focus. So, I have a feeling that we'll be seeing him periodically,"

He told her, which reacted in a small smile. Still, he could tell something was bothering her. And he had a feeling that it wasn't this. He could tell that Esposito noticed it too. He dismissed himself, after claiming he had some work to do, leaving Ryan alone with Beckett. He allowed himself to sit in the chair next to her desk, where her other partner used to sit. He reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You can tell me anything, you know,"

He reminded her. She nodded her head, squeezing his hand in return.

"Yeah, I know..."

She said, with a slight smile. For some reason, this was the hardest thing to tell him. She wasn't sure how he was going to react and that scared her the most. In fact, she wasn't sure how to react, given the circumstances. She let out a deep breath, shakily, as she glanced towards the elevator.

"Can... we go somewhere private?"

She asked him. He nodded his head and quickly stood up, bringing her with him. She held his hand, securely, as they walked towards the elevator. When they got on, she pressed the button for the roof. He couldn't stop worrying about what was on her mind. He really hoped that this wasn't about them. He hoped that she hadn't changed her mind. He saw the engagement ring on her finger, so it couldn't be that. He had a feeling that it had something to do with her examination today and that made him more nervous than the thought of her changing her mind. Was she okay?

When the elevator landed on the top roof, they headed out the door, and up onto the roof. The weather was a little bit chilly, so Kevin took off his jacket and draped it around her, over her shoulders. She pulled it around her, keeping herself warm, as she looked up into his eyes. And in that moment, she could tell that everything was going to work out just fine. He loved her. And she loved him. Together, they would work through everything, including this.

"Kevin... I'm... We're..."

She stuttered, as he studied her face. That's when he saw it. The radiant glow, the look in her eyes. His jaw dropped and his eyes glistened with tears. He couldn't believe it. He quickly brought her into his arms, hugging her so close. All of this time, he had been worried about something bad. But this, this wasn't anything bad. It was a miracle. Kate melted against him with a sigh of content and so much relief, as she slipped her arms around him, holding onto him tightly.

"I can't believe this. I'm going to be a father. We're going to have a beautiful baby..."

He whispered, so softly against her ear, as he held her close. All of his dreams were slowly coming true. Though, he had greater fears now. She was carrying their child now. Her line of work wasn't exactly the safest place to be doing that. He knew that she wasn't going to just sit on the sideline either. She was determined to solve her mother's murder. It already had cost her so much and he wasn't going to stand by and let it cost her their child as well. He knew he was going to have to be extremely careful not to drive her away with his concerns. Placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head, he wished that she really could let go of that case now.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note: Hey everyone, I just want to thank you all for reading my story and leaving such fantastic reviews! It means the world to me! :) I honestly didn't think I would get such positive feedback for Ryan/Beckett. Also, I'm so sorry that I don't update this as much as I would like to. I'm a very busy person with my job and updating my fansites. And I don't always have the inspiration I need to write. One last thing, I did borrow some of the dialog in this chapter from the show (3x13: Knockdown). Enjoy the chapter! :)**_

They both had decided that they weren't ready to make a public announcement about the pregnancy. They only told their closest friends and family. They told his parents, her father, Lanie, and Esposito. They both knew that they should tell Captain Montgomery, but Beckett feared that if he knew, he'd want her to take a leave of absence, or even worse than that, he'd want her to station herself at her desk everyday and work from there, while her partners did all of the fun stuff. Her and Ryan had already made the agreement that she would take it easy and stay safe. Neither one of them wanted any harm to come to their child, especially before it was even born. Both of them were nervous about having a baby. They didn't know much about raising a child and it scared them to think that they were bringing one into the messed up world they lived in. They knew that it would be okay and all work itself out, though. They loved each other and they already loved the child that she now carried with her. And they knew that was all that mattered.

Kate had decided that she was ready to give up her mother's murder, at least for now. There wasn't a lead, no matter how deep that dug for one or how hard they looked at the evidence they already had. It was a dead end, one she could deal with at another time. She had bigger things to focus on. Her and Kevin finally set a date for their wedding, once she confessed there was no way she could solve her mom's murder. Now, she had a wedding to plan, and a baby to prepare for. Kevin was more than relieved that she was letting go of the past, for the time being. He knew she'd never be able to really let it go, but he would be there, beside her, when the time came for her to open her old wounds.

It was late in the morning, as Beckett sat at her desk. Ryan and Esposito were out investigating a lead in the current case they were working. She had chosen to stay behind, because she didn't feel very well. She knew she had many more mornings to look forward to feeling ill and throwing up, but she'd get through it, even though it made her feel weak, something she wasn't used to showing to the world. The other detectives wondered if she was okay, as well as Montgomery, but for the time being, she pretended she was. Soon enough, when the time was right, and she couldn't hide it anymore, she'd tell them the truth. She could already hear the excitement and congratulations and that brought a smile to her face.

The telephone rang. It was a call that she hadn't expected. The voice sounded weary and nervous, having something to tell her. It was Detective Raglan, the lead investigator in her mother's murder investigation. She was surprised to hear from him, since they hadn't spoken in twelve years, after he had written her mother's death off as random gang violence. He wanted to meet her and claimed he had to tell her something. He told her not to bring any other cops with her. It really shook her up and she knew she had to meet with him, despite the promise she made to herself, to her fiance. If this was about her mother, then it may have been the lead she had been looking for. She knew she couldn't go alone though and there was only one person that would understand.

He hadn't expected to see her anymore, unless their lives crossed paths by some random coincidence. But that didn't change the way he felt about seeing her. They had always been such good friends, partners, until he had disappeared from her life, something he had regretted. When she showed up at his door, she looked worried about something. When she explained, he knew exactly what she wanted. So, he went with her, down to the coffee shop, where she had agreed to meet Raglan.

"I said no cops,"

Raglan commented right away, when she showed up with another. Beckett and Castle both had a seat across from him.

"He isn't a cop. He's someone I trust..."

She explained, before exchanging glances with the old friend beside her. She then looked back at the detective she had disliked for so many years.

"On the phone, you told me that you had something to tell me,"

She stated, as she leaned back against the frame of her chair. Raglan stared down into the black of his coffee blankly. She knew in that moment that it had everything to do with her mother. She could read the shame on his face. The shame for writing it off as random gang violence. She impatiently awaited for his explanation.

"It's about Johanna Beckett, isn't it?"

The detective nodded his head, as he looked up at the woman he could see as the kid she still was back then, when her mother was brutally murdered.

"I hid a lot of sins behind my badge, and now I gotta carry them. But your mother's case, that one weighs a ton..."

He admitted to her, honestly, before looking down at his coffee again. He couldn't face her now, especially after all the years had passed, and she still didn't have the answers she had longed for.

"Why? Because you wrote it off as random gang violence, when you knew it wasn't?"

She questioned him, as she studied him closely. He could tell that this really was heavy baggage he was carrying, like the way she felt about her mother's murder. Except, she didn't pity him. Not when he had hidden the truth from so many people, including her and her father. He had ruined their lives. Had she not been able to save her father from alcoholism, she may have lost him as well. So, she didn't pity him at all.

"I did what I was told to do,"

Raglan told her. She exchanged glances with Castle, again, before shaking her head in disgust at the detective. He could tell that she didn't understand just how big this was.

"And I kept quiet because I was afraid. About a year ago there was a hostage standoff in your precinct. You killed a hitman named Dick Coonan. It was a big deal in the papers. People noticed,"

He told her, as he watched her closely. He knew that she wanted to know everything and she deserved that. But he also knew that it would put her in a whole different line of danger, if she went after the people responsible for what happened to her mother. He drew in a deep breath and let it out the same way, before continuing.

"This thing started about nineteen years ago, back before I ever knew who Johanna Beckett was. Nineteen years ago I... I made a bad mistake, and that started the dominoes falling. And one of them was your mom."

Before she could question anything else, a shot was fired. Glass shattered and Raglan fell to the floor, his coffee tumbling off the table with him. Beckett instantly reached for her gun and went to the floor with him, down low, in case there was another shot. She ordered everyone down on the ground and away from the window. She turned Raglan over, checking to see if he was still alive. Castle sunk down to the floor as well, watching her closely, as she radioed for backup. He saw the blood that covered her, but knew if she had been hit, she'd be lying on that ground instead. He had a strong feeling that someone must have been watching Raglan for a long time and knew what he was about to do, so wanted to put a stop to it. It was either that, or the show wasn't meant for him. He watched as Beckett checked the detective again, all emotions freezing on her face, as it turned ghostly.

"Please be advised, this is now a homicide,"

She radioed to dispatch, before letting out a heavy sigh, as she lowered her radio. Castle gave her a sympathetic look that knew meant absolutely nothing. He knew her. She was one step closer to finding out the truth about her mom. But once again, she had taken two whole steps backward instead. He knew on one hand, it would crush her all over again. On the other hand, it would make her more determined. He knew she would think if she found Raglan's shooter, she'd be led straight to her mother's murderer. And he wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. He let out a sigh of his own, as he reached over and squeezed her hand, saying a silent prayer that no matter what happened now, that nothing would happen to her.


	19. Chapter 19

When he arrived at the scene, he hurried inside, where he found her covered in blood, next to his former rival. Kate saw the look of distress he bore and she instantly regretted that she broke her promise, to him and to herself. She left Castle and walked over to Kevin. Before she could even speak, he drew her into his arms, holding her close. She let out a shaky breath, so glad he didn't scold her just yet, though she had a feeling it was coming soon.

"I'm so glad you're okay,"

He whispered, as he stroked her back, before pulling away from her. He glanced down at her, the blood on her shirt obviously not hers. He looked over to John Raglan on the floor, lying there dead. His eyes then went to Castle. What was he doing there? He couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together, so he looked back at Beckett.

"What were you doing here?"

He wondered. The only thing that meeting with Raglan could mean was it had something to do with her mother. She had told him that she was letting that go, for now. She didn't need the stress of that case on her shoulders and she also didn't need the danger that it obviously had surrounding it. He didn't understand, at all, as he searched her eyes for answers.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

She apologized to him, before letting out a heavy breath. She took a step closer to him, reaching for his hands. Gently, she squeezed them, as she prepared to explain herself.

"Detective Raglan called me this morning. He said he had something to tell me. It was obviously about my mother,"

She began, seeing the disappointment in his eyes. She had broken her promise about taking a break from trying to crack the one case that haunted her for many years now. She could understand why he was disappointed, even if she wished that he would stand by her. She knew he meant well though, considering she was carrying their child.

"So you brought _him_?"

He asked, referring to Castle, the elephant in the room. Kate turned, glancing over at the writer, before turning back to face her fiance. The color drained from her face, realizing that he was upset about that. Castle was the man she used to be in love with and she brought him to something that was important to her, instead of Ryan, who she was marrying, whose child she was carrying. She had never even realized that this would upset him more than her betraying her decision.

"I'm sorry,"

She said quietly, as she looked down in shame. She knew that Kevin always felt inferior to Rick and probably still did now, even though it wasn't Castle's ring she was wearing.

"I just thought that if I told you, you wouldn't have approved,"

She further explained the decisions she had made today. He let out a sigh, knowing that his jealousy had caused her to be upset. He brought her close again, holding her in his arms, as he pressed a kiss to her head.

"We'll worry about all of this later, okay? We've got a murder to solve."

The rest of the squad arrived at the diner, where the shooting took place, and began to investigate. Beckett stood by, with Castle, while the investigation took place. It was hard for her, being a witness, instead of on duty, but her and Ryan agreed that it was most likely the best. In the end, no one had seen anything, before the shot was fired. Esposito ruled that it had to be somewhere nearby and possibly from a higher level, so that the shooter wouldn't be seen. He vowed to check surveillance footage from cameras nearby, to look for anything suspicious. Castle gave his statement to Montgomery, before heading home and Lanie took the body downtown, to start examining it and to retrieve the bullet, since the cause of death was crystal clear.

When Ryan finished taking statements from all of the witnesses, he returned to Beckett, who was seated in the diner, where the lead detective on her mother's murder investigation was shot not too long before. Her life had been so perfect, just a few hours before. If she had never taken that phone call and agreed to meet, Raglan would still be alive, and her feelings wouldn't be conflicted. Her fiance slid into the seat beside her, slipping his arm around her. She melted into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"He was involved, somehow..."

She told him, quietly, as she looked at the blood stain pattern on the chair across from her.

"He knew who killed her and he wanted to tell me... After all of these years, how could he just keep his mouth shut?"

She said in disgust, feeling herself becoming emotional. Kevin pulled her closer, holding her protectively. He knew that her mother's murder was the reason she became a cop, and what drove her to being a damn good detective. He also knew it was the one thing that kept her from being completely happy in life. He was lucky enough to find his way into her heart.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this,"

He told her softly, as he stroked back her hair.

"But maybe, he knew he was protecting you, by hiding the truth..."

He silently awaited for her to snap at him, for the way he thought. But instead, she glanced up into his eyes, knowing that he was probably right. Raglan had seen how determined she was, to solve her mother's murder, to make the people responsible pay for what they had done. It was clear to her now, that whoever hired Dick Coonan to murder her mom, were dangerous. And Raglan would've known that she would've gone straight after them, and gotten herself killed. She let out a long sigh.

"You're right,"

She agreed with him, before laying her head back down. She said a silent prayer that no matter what sin John Raglan may have committed, that he be forgiven, and that he rest in peace.

"Which is why you can't pursue this, okay?"

He said to her and watched as she nodded her head. He was relieved that she agreed so easily, but also a little scared that she might go after the people responsible, anyway.

"Hey, look at me..."

She turned her head to face him again, her eyes meeting his once more. He reached in, touching her cheek, as he spoke.

"I love you and if anything happened to you or our child, I would just lose it. I just couldn't survive, knowing that I couldn't stop you from doing something reckless. So, I want you to promise me... Please, promise me that you won't go after these guys..."

He begged her, desperately. In that moment, Kate knew this was the one promise that she couldn't break. She sat up next to him, taking the hand from her face into hers and squeezing it tightly. 

"I promise you, Kevin..."

She told him softly. He breathed in relief, as a few tears fell from his blue eyes. He leaned down, pressing his lips gently against hers.

"Thank you,"

He whispered, before kissing her again. He then pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, as he closed his eyes. He knew how hard this was going to be for her, but he had a plan of his own. He'd keep her out of danger and investigate it himself. With the help of Esposito, maybe they could finally put her mother's soul to rest. And then, Kate would finally be free.

"Let's go home,"

She told him. She didn't even want to go back to the precinct. It had been a long, tiring day for her. She wanted to go home and sink into a bubble bath, with Kevin at her side, and just relax. She wanted to wash away everything that had happened today and just be with the man that she loved. Work could wait until tomorrow. For all she needed and wanted right now was him.

He stood up from the table with her, keeping his arm around her, as he ushered her out of the diner and to her car, since Esposito had taken theirs. He helped her into the passenger seat, before climbing in the driver's and starting the vehicle. He smiled over at her, as she took his hand again, squeezing it. He believed that she intended to keep her promise and he intended to keep the one he made to her as well, even if she didn't know about it. He figured that it was better if she didn't know what he planned to do. She moved closer to him in her seat, as he started the journey down the road, taking them home.


End file.
